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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27942719">Tear Down My Reason</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mirenelle/pseuds/Mirenelle'>Mirenelle</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>So Happy Together [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Naruto</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Rimming, Sibling Incest, Sleep Sex, Strangulation, Suicidal Thoughts, Underage Sex</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 22:53:31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Underage</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>35,391</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27942719</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mirenelle/pseuds/Mirenelle</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Fugaku Uchiha changed after his wife’s death. Unable to cope with the loss he turns his grief and anger onto his two sons. Even after escaping the abuse, pain seems to follow Sasuke and Itachi wherever they go.They only have each other and eventually it spirals out of their control. </p><p>They are sent to a foster home and Sasuke thinks nothing will ever tear them apart. He has so many hopes and dreams and Itachi is the only thing that matters. He should have known better than to believe in happy endings. People like him didn't get those sort of lives.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hatake Kakashi &amp; Uchiha Itachi, Hatake Kakashi/Uchiha Itachi, Hoozuki Suigetsu/Uchiha Sasuke, Orochimaru &amp; Uchiha Sasuke, Orochimaru/Uchiha Sasuke, Uchiha Itachi &amp; Uchiha Sasuke, Uchiha Itachi/Uchiha Sasuke</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>So Happy Together [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2127789</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>46</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Eyes In The Dark</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Sasuke/Itachi AU. The age difference it two years rather than five.</p><p>This is your disclaimer: There is incest in here. If that makes you uncomfortable then do not read. If you proceed to read and then complain about the incest, then that's on you buddy. This is based off a discord rp with Neptune. This will get very dark and dramatic. I can't stress this enough, if you're not comfortable with incest, then do not bother going forward.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>    It was quiet, quieter than he imagined foster homes typically were. He always imaged more noise and chaos, something loud and in your face at all times. Sure, it sometimes went like that, but when it got quiet, it seemed to permeate the air. Sasuke was sitting on the couch, writing. He wrote a lot, read a lot. His homework was done, he had finished it as soon as he had gotten home. It was all temporary anyway, wasn’t it? He knew they probably wouldn’t be going to this school for very long, but he still was trying to keep people from paying attention to him. The only thing he’d really said was to a boy he overheard talking about his brother. People were bound to know, of course. They had tried to keep him and Itachi out of the news but they both had been in attendance for the trial, though neither of them spoke. They both had been on the news.<br/><br/>    Even cross country people were already talking, and it made Sasuke uncomfortable. No one was talking about his Aniki. No one was going to do that in front of him. That was one thing he knew for certain. They wouldn't dare.  Not anymore. The other kids in the house were...fine, he guessed. Annoying, and sort of needy. Sasuke hadn't been forced to room with any of them. Luckily there had been a room for them. A room they could share. initially, they had tried to room him with the other boy close to his age, Naruto, but that had lasted all of one night when he took his blankets into Itachi’s room and slept on the floor. he had crawled into bed with him for a little bit after he heard him having bad dreams, but as far as anyone was concerned he was just in the floor. They moved his bed into his room a couple of days later. Sasuke had always been attached to Itachi and Itachi to him.</p><p>Even before...even before everything that happened with father.</p><p>    They would always have each other. Sasuke wasn't a little kid anymore. He was fourteen now, practically sixteen which was nearly eighteen which was an adult. He had little interest in the other kids in the home. He was the same age as Sakura and Naruto, but felt no connection to either of them. Naruto was brash and annoying and Sakura's crush had long since gotten old. Itachi was sixteen and brilliant. Before everything had happened, he had skipped two grades at school and was on the fast track to graduating. Now, he was forced to return to his original grade, having lost time after their father had stopped allowing him to go to school. It didn't matter when he graduated. He could do whatever he wanted afterwards. Sasuke was sure to follow.</p><p> </p><hr/><p><br/><br/>   It was Thursday...or maybe it was Friday. Itachi couldn’t remember. He had waited for Sasuke outside the school building near the bench as he had since they started attending the school but he never showed up. Worry had grown in his stomach and he had fought the immediate urge to go looking for him. He hadn't needed to wait long.  Naruto, another boy in their foster home that was in the same grade as Sasuke met him instead and told him Sasuke had gone home sick. Itachi had accepted this news with a little nod and trailed after the other boy to the bus.<br/><br/>    Itachi wished he had been told about Sasuke earlier, but he found that since being forced into foster care, he was being pushed out as Sasuke’s main...well person. Now it was all through their foster parents. They were a nice enough couple, but Itachi rarely spoke to them if he spoke at all.  He sat alone on the bus, gazing out the window. The bus rumbled to life and began to rumble forward. He could hear Naruto speaking loudly in the back with some of his friends, laughing at something they said. Sasuke always sat with Itachi so it felt oddly cold without him there. He blew air onto the window, fogging it up before drawing a tree onto the glass.<br/><br/>    They had been in this foster house for almost two months. It wasn’t awful...but it was different. They were two of seven kids in the household. An exception had been made to be able to keep the brothers together despite the maximum amount of children already being in the house. It had been kind of them. Itachi knew they had considered separating them.  He was glad they hadn’t.  The bus lurched to a stop in front of the foster house and Itachi watched Naruto and the other fosters on the bus file off, Itachi took his backpack and followed behind, Naruto glancing over to make sure he was there. Naruto was a nice boy. A bit loud for Itachi's taste, but nice. He stepped off the bus and waved a quick thank-you to the bus driver. The other kids were dashing to the door, the littlest tumbling in their effort to be first before regaining their footing.</p><p>    Sasuke looked up from where he was, biting his lip as he watched everyone tumble from the bus. He didn't move for a long second. His stomach still wasn't feeling super well but he did want to see his brother. He closed his notebook and stood, bouncing on his heels a bit. Sasuke pushed back his own messy hair, and he finally went out the door. He pushed through the sea of children coming in, ignoring all of them. All of them but Itachi, he was barefoot, standing in the grass and wiggling his toes some. Itachi looked up and met his eyes, smiling at the sight of him. He took his hand, but then leaned in and hugged him, tight.<br/><br/>"I missed you-" He mumbled, which was certainly unnecessary but he was talking into his shirt pretty much. Sasuke was dressed down, just in his pajama pants and a baggy shirt, it was Itachi's, which no one but his brother would probably even notice. Normally, he would have texted Itachi but they didn't have cell phones anymore, Sasuke wondered if they'd ever have one again. The other kids had already scattered to the winds, leaving the brothers alone in the yard.<br/><br/>“You are sick?” Itachi motioned to Sasuke’s stomach in concern, ushering him back inside. The house was large and accommodating. Their old home had been even larger but cold. As if the air inside was permanently chilled. Itachi usually finished him homework while in study hall, which left him free for the weekend. It wasn’t as if Itachi did much of anything with his free time, nothing that he could include anyone else in. He walked up the stairs to their shared room and went about unpacking his items and putting them away, smoothing a hand over his made bed and adjusting the sheets. He had always been orderly, even in a place as uncertain as this it felt normal. Of course, Sasuke followed after Itachi. He would follow him anywhere he went, really.</p><p>"I...yeah, I threw up" he admitted, shrugging a bit as he followed him up to their room, watching Itachi unpack, sitting on the edge of his own bed, able to stand up if he needed to. Itachi shot him a concerned look at Sasuke's words and Sasuke waved him off. He leaned back and looked around the room in placid interest. Sasuke was fine with this house, thankful they allowed the two of them to be together. Sasuke didn't like to be alone, or with anyone other than Itachi. where would he be without him? Even being away from him for a few hours between school and home had made him anxious. He lifted the mattress up carefully and wedged his notebook there. Private from anyone else, but if Itachi wanted to read it he didn't care. He didn't care if he saw it.<br/><br/>"It's supposed to be really nice this weekend..." he was watching Itachi's back, the way he moved. The way he did everything, so meticulous, graceful. Sasuke looked at his throat as he shifted, looking away quickly, studying his hands and a bit of dirt under his pinky nail. <br/><br/><br/>Itachi nodded as Sasuke spoke, fingers brushing over the blankets on the bed, smoothing out before sitting down across from Sasuke, legs crossing. “Do you plan to go out?" He asked curiously. He wondered if Sasuke would go hang out with Naruto or one of the other kids. They seemed to like him enough. Itachi rarely had privacy and although he adored his brother beyond words, sometimes it was nice to have sometime just for himself. Itachi would be spending his time as he always did, hidden away. Since the trial the fosters seemed more confident in allowing Itachi his space. He appreciated it. Craved it at times.<br/><br/><br/>"Where would I be going?" Sasuke asked curiously, raising his eyebrows. Where was he expected to go? Where could he go, without his brother? He was not great at understanding Itachi's need for space-especially if it wasn't being said blatantly to him.  "Do you want to maybe walk to the park? You can draw or something and i'll bring my notebook." Sasuke had mentioned the weather specifically because he wanted to spend some time with Itachi out in it. It wasn't like he would bother spending time with anyone else in the house. After all, they were all temporary. Itachi was all he had left. He was looking at Itachi across their bedroom bouncing his foot a little bit. He couldn't help but take in the slope of his cheeks, the way his hair laid, his clothing. Always well dressed, beautiful. his eyes lingered on his throat again and he cleared his throat, eyes adverting so they'd make eye contact again<br/><br/><br/>Itachi inclined his head, finally nodding to his brother. He would go with him. It would be a nice change of scenery.<br/><br/>Sasuke was like his shadow and always would be. From childhood and on. There was a quick knock at the door and one of the other kids, Sakura, peeked her head in. Her large green eyes fixed on the pair, a mile curving across her face. “I know you’re probably not interested, but we’re going skating. If you want to swing by the park at all.” She was a nice girl. Itachi offered her a polite nod and watched as she waved awkwardly at Sasuke before closing the door. Sasuke look up at her, he didn't even wave back at Sakura before she left. His face was unreadable, almost cold. His mouth lay in a thin line and he just let her leave. He wanted to go out with Itachi. not the rest of the kids.  Moments later the house was silent as the kids left. They always seemed to try to drag the pair into their group and with very little success. <br/><br/>    Standing, Itachi set his backpack down and approached Sasuke’s bed, moving to sit next to him and pull him into a hug. It was silent, and Sasuke instantly relaxed against his brother, hand moving to pat at his hair before pulling Itachi practically into his lap. "Aniki-"  His voice was soft as he breathed him in, his lips pressed to the tender skin of his neck and he let his eyes fall closed. He couldn't help but breathe deep, a familiar and comforting smell. His arms seemed to get even tighter around him, and his nose was pressed just beneath his jaw. This is all Sasuke needed to feel better. Itachi hummed, stroking Sasuke’s hair, his cheek pressed against his head. He practically melted against the younger boy, at ease in his arms as he always was.<br/><br/>He unconsciously moved his head, allowing Sasuke full access to his neck. Sasuke’s touch against his neck was always wonderful. Better than father’s. Father had been cruel.</p><p> </p><p>Sasuke could never be cruel to him.</p><p><br/><br/>He stroked a hand down Sasuke’s hair before cupping his cheeks and pressing a small kiss to his forehead. He pulled away, oddly warm and he offered Sasuke a quick smile.  “Rest.” He advised, nodding to the bed. "Otherwise you'll never feel better." The foster parents were out for the evening but would not be pleased if Sasuke didn’t sleep off his sickness. Sasuke was lost in the feeling, pressing his face into his neck, nuzzling the skin, pressing his lips into the soft flesh. The healing was done now but sometimes if Sasuke looked at him long enough he could see the remnants of the marks their father left.</p><p> </p><p>    Sasuke thought about them a lot, more than he should.  He was rattled when Itachi removed himself, and he pulled on Itachi's hand. He missed the warmth, he missed the closeness. He pouted up at him. "Stay with me?" he mumbled, voice soft. He had slept some earlier in the day but it wasn't the same as sleeping in the room close to his brother. In the bed close to him.<br/><br/>Sasuke longed for his touch, anyway, but when he wasn't feeling well specifically. He pulled him towards him again, to the edge of the bed. He wanted his weight back on top of him but he didn't want to ask for that. Couldn't ask for that. Itachi wanted to say no. He wanted to go to the attic as he did some nights, but it was still early. Late at night he could go to the attic, unnoticed. He could wait. He lay down on the bed, scooting close to Sasuke.<br/><br/>“Only for a bit.” He stated softly, intwining his legs with his brother’s and petting his hair back. The warmth was back but he brushed it aside. Sasuke curled into him, facing his brother. He pulled the blanket over them and pressed his face into his neck. He dug his fingers into the notches of his spine, letting out a soft noise. He was so comfortable, too comfortable.<br/><br/>"Thank you Nii-san..." he mumbled softly, and his eyes drooped closed, falling asleep within minutes.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>    That night, it took longer for Sasuke to fall asleep. Sasuke had woken from his earlier rest, seeming to feel better and had even had dinner with the rest of the kids. Their foster parents had left out leftovers for them and a note that they would return around 10, and as the oldest, Itachi would be in charge. Itachi had played with his food, never having a huge appetite and noticed Sasuke watching him intently. Itachi took a bite and another until Sasuke seemed to be satisfied, looking down at his own plate and stabbing his fork into the small russet potato.</p><p>At nine, after they had all finished showering and brushing their teeth, the children had all gone to their respective rooms to go to sleep. The old farm house was drafty and creaky, but perfectly sized for the amount of kids living there. The youngest of the children had already settled down and the lights to Naruto's room was out. It took nearly an hour for Sasuke to nod off, stubbornly attempting to keep his eyes open, as if knowing itachi would leave once he did. It was several more minutes before Itachi moved again. He lay in his bed, watching Sasuke in silence, ears straining for the smallest of sounds, but Sasuke merely sighed, a soft breath escaping him, exhausted and fast asleep.</p><p> </p><p>    He slipped from the bed and went to his own, grabbing a length of fabric wedged against the wall, tucking it away before walking out the door. The foster parents had returned and were already in their room, the light under the door faint as they got ready for bed. They trusted the brothers enough to leave them to their devices so Itachi was able to wander up to the attic with no trouble. The attic was small but he managed to get through no issue. He knew where to step to avoid creaking floorboards. A support beam extended overhead and Itachi tied one end of the fabric around his neck and tossed the other side over the support beam. It was almost too easy at this point. He was practically shaking at this point, fingers fumbling uselessly for a moment. He tied the other end down and when it was tight enough, he allowed himself to dip forward, the noose tightening.</p><p> </p><p><br/><br/>Sasuke wasn't a heavy sleeper, but he was very good at pretending to be asleep. When Itachi slipped from the bed, Sasuke had remained still, keeping his breathing even. Where could he be going? He knew it was childish, but he didn't like when Itachi vanished on him.He was quiet, listening as Itachi silently slipped into the hall. He slowly sat up, squinting in the dark. He had a gut feeling where itachi had gone off to. The attic He had heard him sneaking up there a couple of times. What was he doing? It was in Sasuke's nature to assume that his brother was trying to avoid him. Maybe he needed space. It didn't matter. He slipped from the bed, moving to the door and opening it, glancing down the hall before making his way to the attic door. He was quiet. He didn't want to alert anyone.</p><p> </p><p>The stairs were creaky so Sasuke was as careful as possible when moving through the dark, the door silently closing behind him and enveloping him in darkness.  He stuck in the shadows, in the back corner. He didn't see his brother for a moment, and then he paused. He saw him dangling, beautiful. Sasuke felt his throat getting dry, his posture rigid.</p><p> </p><p>Itachi was...strangling himself. His body canted forward, the fabric taut against the strain. Sasuke was mesmerized, eyes unwavering.</p><p> </p><p><br/><br/><br/>There was a...rush to this feeling... the tightening of the noose and the moments of strangulation.<br/><br/>Father always went too far...<br/><br/>Itachi knew when to stop. Knew when he was at his limit. His vision was fading and the world was spinning as he hung suspended.It was like being outside his body and watching himself.<br/><br/>It was fuzzy.<br/><br/>Fading...<br/><br/>Fast...<br/><br/>He pulled the noose free and slumped over with a strangled gasp as the world rushed back at him. He trembled violently, head spinning and light. He felt like was was floating. It was bliss. He lay on the floor, gasping for breath as his trembling hand reached down between his legs, stroking himself without shame as he fought to catch his breath, hand moving to cover his mouth to muffle the noise. His free hand moved down to between his legs, fingers fumbling over his hard length as he stroked himself, thumb brushing over his tip.<br/><br/>Sasuke was, mesmerized. The markings on his brother's neck, red, angry. Him dropping to his knees, onto his back. Sasuke's throat was dry and he could feel his cock pressing in against his own pajama pants. He wan't too restricted in his pants at least. He was able to stay quiet, at least. Of course, he'd seen his brother jerk off before. A time or two. He'd caught him, he'd been just as entranced but this...this was different. His fingers itched with desire, his eyes were half lidded.</p><p> </p><p>    God, he was beautiful, perfect. He continued watching him, how was he supposed to look away? Sasuke could feel himself fill with desire, need. He wanted to pin his brother down and fuck him senseless. Hand at his throat. He wanted to help him get to the point he was now, hold his throat as he tried to black out. Itachi had perfected it though, he had managed to keep himself from blacking out. Sasuke pressed his hand to the front of his own pants, grinding. This was art in its' truest form, perfection that couldn't be touched yet needed to be. Sasuke never wanted this moment to end.<br/><br/><br/>Itachi came with a muffled whimper, curling into himself and trembling through it. He lay, panting and shaking through the aftermath, kicking his sticky pants off in order to cool down.  He touched his throat gently, fingers trembling against the reddened flesh. He took the washcloth he had brought with him and started cleaning himself, cleaning his stained stomach and thighs and the floor. He dressed unsteadily, almost falling as he pulled his pants up.<br/><br/><br/>    Sasuke watched him as he came, rubbing his own cock through his pants. He couldn't stay here and he knew that. He returned to his bedroom, flustered and shaking. Sasuke had to jerk off, and he didn't particularly care if Itachi saw him or not. He owed him the show. He pushed his pants down on his hips, and wrapped his hand around his own cock, letting out a soft noise, he wasn't quiet. They were alone anyway. He stroked his cock, it was fast, shaky. His eyes were closed and his hips twisted up into his own hand. Seeing his brother like that was the hottest thing he'd ever seen, and his body was quivering, shaky as he worked his hand faster.</p><p> </p><p>He came to the image of Itachi's taunt form, shining in the moonlight with that strip of fabric clenched tightly around his throat.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div class="yj6qo">
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<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Take Your Breath Away</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The brothers go for a swim that quickly turns into something more</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>          Itachi began the slow trek down from the attic. He had cleaned up after himself and allowed himself time to catch his breath and control his shaking. The house was quiet and still in the dark. He made his way down the stairs, skipping the fourth step that always creaked and quietly closed the door behind him. He made his way towards his and Sasuke's shared room and opened the door, expecting Sasuke to be asleep. Instead Sasuke was unabashedly jerking himself, long fingers wrapped around his cock, and eyes closed. They opened and sought out Itachi's gaze. Itachi jerked in surprise and embarrassment, backing out of the room with an apology, closing the door, Sasuke's eyes following him. He stood back against the door, flushed and shocked. Sasuke had looked...wild. It was the only thing Itachi could think of. How he had laid in his bed, hand wrapped around himself with no sense of shame. Itachi's face was burning with mortification and he rubbed at it, as if hoping he could rub that ridiculous blush away.<br/><br/></p><p>           Meanwhile, Sasuke was just driven further when he saw him standing in the doorway. There was no need to be quiet now.  He let out a shaky breath, imagining that Itachi was still there. Imagining that he was watching. It was Itachi's name that passed his lips as he came. It was silent for a long moment. Itachi was likely waiting for him to finish. Sasuke wiped his sticky hand on the comforter, slowly getting out of the bed, catching his breath. He opened the door, spotting Itachi against the opposite wall. If Sasuke was good at anything, it was playing things cool. He felt Itachi tense as he passed, walking into the bathroom. He washed his hands and face, giving Itachi time to do whatever he needed to do in the bedroom. When he returned, Itachi was already tucked into bed, his back to Sasuke. It would have been wiser to go to his own bed, to allow that distance. Yet Sasuke had never been accused of being wise. He crawled into the bed behind Itachi, as he had done countless times since they were children. </p><p> </p><p>         He spooned into his back, beneath the blankets, pressing his nose to the back of his neck and squeezing his waist. The same hand that had just been jerking him off rubbed his stomach a little bit. "Night, aniki." he mumbled softly, letting his eyes fall shut. Itachi leaned back against Sasuke, turning over to smile sleepily at him. He felt Itachi reach out to lightly stroke his arm. Sasuke moved forward, pressing his lips dangerously close to his mouth. His free hand moved up to gently rub over his throat, soothing, nuzzling the back of his neck and kissing there as well. He felt Itachi's breath hitch at the touch and he smiled against his throat. He was touchy, but they were always touchy, admittedly. It was just them after all. No mom. No dad. Just the two brothers, alone in the world with only each other to rely on. All Itachi had to do was lean his head and he would properly kiss him. Instead he pressed his lips to his cheek, inhaling and turning so he was face to face with him.<br/><br/></p><p>“You feel better?” He asked, hand stroking Sasuke’s stomach and it took Sasuke a moment to realize he was talking about Sasuke being sick.</p><p><br/><br/>“Much better,” He assured him, smiling at his brother like he was the only thing in the world. He pressed their foreheads together and stroked over his throat. “Are you okay?” He asked softly.  His breath was right against his lips, and he pulled back enough for look over his neck. It was darkening already. Of course itachi hadn’t seen him watching him in the attic but it had to be obvious by now. He leaned in and pressed his lips to the dark ring around his neck.</p><p><br/><br/>“I’m okay.” Itachi whispered back, eyes fluttering closed as he tilted his neck back for Sasuke to touch more easily.  </p><p><br/><br/>Sasuke knew he trusted him. More than he trusted anyone. He stroked a hand down his back, settling at his waist. “Get some sleep.” He heard Itachi murmur. “They won’t be happy if they find you in bed with me.”</p><p><br/>Sasuke shook his head, “I’ll get back into bed by morning.” He said softly, “Or say you had a nightmare.” What could they did if that was said? Of course Itachi was bound to have nightmares. He pressed close and kissed over his neck. They were safe, and he just pressed his nose into this throat, eyes closing. Itachi hummed in acknowledgment, eyes drifting shut as he relaxed against Sasuke, tucking the blankets around their shoulders and resting his hand against Sasuke's hip. Sasuke smiled against Itachi's neck.</p><p> </p><p>All was well.</p><p> </p><hr/><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>       Sasuke did end up returning to his bed before the morning came, before anyone asked him about being in his brothers bed. Itachi had used the concealer and foundation he had bought from the drugstore and Sasuke avoided staring at his neck too long. after they ate and Naruto tried to get him to play video games with him he grabbed his notebook and approached Itachi who was helping their foster mother with the dishes. He sat at the table for a moment, chin resting in his palm and looking out the window. Overhead, he could hear Sakura's voice reprimanding Naruto for something.</p><p> </p><p>"I'm going to go see what they're arguing about," He heard their foster mother murmur to Itachi. "Don't feel like you have to do all the dishes." There was a fondness in her voice as she spoke and Sasuke heard Itachi murmur something softly back. He was slowly starting to speak to them. Coming out of his defensive shell a little each day. Sasuke watched as their foster mother headed out of the kitchen. She was a kind woman, older and more equipped to deal with traumatic cases. Compared to the last couple of houses they were in, this was so much better. Even if it was all temporary. </p><p> </p><p><br/>“Nii-san-“ He kept affection to a minimum when people were around, but when they were alone he obviously didn’t care. “Can we find somewhere outside for a bit?” they could use some sun maybe. Both of them were fair but he just wanted to get out of the house for a while. “You could bring your sketch book?” he offered, leaning in close to him but not touching. He had plenty to write about right now. Itachi was a talented artist. Had been drawing and painting since Sasuke could remember. Itachi glanced over his shoulder at Sasuke before glancing out the window. He nodded after a moment, finishing up with the coffee mug he was washing. "I'll go grab your sketchbook." Sasuke offered and moved from the table, rushing up the stairs. He walked by Sakura's room where he could see she was in a lively and angry discussion with Naruto as their foster mother patiently listened. Itachi's sketchbook was resting on the nightstand with two pencils at its's side. He grabbed them, checking to make sure  they were sharp enough before walking back out of the room.</p><p> </p><p>"Hey," Sasuke peeked his head into Sakura's room, eyes locked on their foster mother as she turned to him. "Is it okay if Itachi and I go to the park?" He watched the relieved expression spread over her face. </p><p><br/><br/> "Of course you can. Don't stay out too long, alright?" She seemed more relieved than anything that the brothers never fought. She and her husband had been taking kids in for nearly a decade. She undoubtedly sympathized with the brothers and their situation.  Sasuke nodded his understanding, ignoring Naruto as he instantly began to bicker with Sakura again.<br/><br/><br/>       He met Itachi in the hall, offering him the sketchbook as they both made it out the front door. “Where can we go, private?” He asked, hands stuffed in his pockets as Itachi fell into step with him. Neither were interested in the park in town. It was usually crowded on the weekends. Itachi made a thoughtful noise at his side, flipping through pages of the sketchbook as they walked down the sidewalk, the house now out of sight.<br/><br/><br/>“There’s the abandoned bridge on the train tracks.” Itachi murmured, shutting the sketchbook and glancing towards him. “It’s private. Only the trains pass through.” Sasuke nodded his head, content with that. So rarely did they have time together. He felt like he never had enough time alone with him with all the kids there. Last night was good, but so was this. It was never enough. It had been just them for so long now that it felt wrong to have so many other people around. He couldn’t help the smirk on his lips as they cut together towards the train track, walking into an open field where the grass had overgrown with wildflowers.</p><p> </p><p>“Did you sleep well?” He asked, tone carefully bored and unassuming. He knew Itachi had seen everything. It should concern him more with how unbothered he was by the idea of Itachi watching him jack off, but it didn't. In reality it thrilled him.</p><p><br/><br/>“Very well.” Itachi hummed in response. “You?” Sasuke offered a noncommittal noise that Itachi accepted with ease. He led him down the unmarked path until they reached the river, crossing over to the other side and scaling up. He pointed to the bridge. “There are ledges there.” He motioned. “No one to see us or bother us.” He walked down the steep hill, following along the river path until they reached the bridge. Old graffiti lined the metal and concrete but Itachi had been painting over it for weeks. It was nice here. Safe and private. Sasuke followed him, climbing up the rocky incline until he reached the ledge beneath the bridge. His breath caught in his throat as he looked around. There was graffiti all over the stone walls, but it was...artistic. Nothing lewd or cheaply done. Trees were painted with reaching branches, crows and other birds painted above. So many little things and Sasuke knew the style well enough to know it was Itachi's work. </p><p> </p><p>"Never took you for a lawbreaker, Itachi." He teased good naturedly and Itachi smiled at him. Sasuke watched as he walked over to some of the rocks against the wall and pulled out three cans of paint. Ah, so that was where he hid them. Sasuke walked along the wall, fingers tracing over the vibrant art. “Can't say you're not talented.” He said softly, turning to look at him. He moved closer, watching as Itachi shook the spray paint, looking over a small section of the wall that was left untouched. "Will I distract you if I'm here?" Sasuke asked and Itachi shot him a smile.</p><p><br/>“You’re my favorite distraction.” Itachi replied simply. He moved towards Sasuke and lightly poked his forehead. He motioned to the wall on the opposite side.“I come here a lot. It is away from everything.” He had drawn planets and constellations, spread across the concrete. Trees with reaching limbs. “Sometimes I swim in the river.” He motioned to the water running below. “It's nice here. Quiet.” Sasuke settled on the ledge, watching as Itachi got to work. Under his feet the water lapped on by. He watched as Itachi sprayed on the wall, something that vaguely resembled the outline of another tree. He was surprised Itachi had done all of this. Usually Sasuke knew where his brother was at all times and the idea of him having time to come here was a bit jarring. Itachi could make art out of anything. He was talented and there was little doubt he could take his work far. Farther than under some dingy bridge.</p><p> </p><p> “Do you want to try to swim?” Sasuke offered and Itachi glanced over at him. After a moment he nodded and hid the spray paint behind the rocks. He motioned to the small incline in the dirt towards the water. People had made that path years ago while swimming here, but with a new public pool and bars, this was no longer needed. Sasuke followed him down the path to the edge of the water. Itachi set his sketchbook down and took off the hoodie he was wearing. He folded it and set it down next to the sketchbook and removed his jeans as well, leaving himself in his boxers and oversized t shirt that he often favored when not at school.He dipped his foot into the water to test before tipping forward and wading into the water.</p><p><br/><br/>Sasuke watched his brother, biting his lower lip as he went into the water. Sasuke did as Itachi had, removing his clothing, down to just his boxer briefs. He left his shirt in the pile. Had it been night time he’d certain have gotten in nude. He shivered as his toe hit. It wasn’t unbearable, not bad enough for them to get sick anymore. Itachi moved so effortlessly, gliding out of reach. Sasuke couldn’t look away from him. He watched until he was nearly submerged and then followed suit. “It’s chilly-“ He stated, trying to catch up. Itachi hummed, slowly moving to float on his back and stare up at the ceiling of the bridge. He could hear a train approach, the horn echoing through the trees. He floated on the surface of the water, lazily.</p><p><br/><br/>Sasuke joined him, swimming forward, looking up at the bridge. “How long do you think we’ll be here?” he wasn’t particularly loud but louder with the train approaching. It was nice, being tucked away like this. Private. He hoped their next home didn’t have a lot of other kids. He couldn’t imagine anyone wanted to adopt them permanently with their history and Itachi. he’d be free soon. Free to leave. Sasuke tried to not think about that, his brother abandoning him. Surely he never would? </p><p><br/><br/>“I’m not sure.” Itachi replied softly. “Either way...I will be 18 come June and...who knows what will happen.” Itachi knew. They would separate them and Itachi...he would have to go. For now, they would be together. He smiled at Sasuke, watching water dribble down his lips  and chin. The train was approaching fast now and Itachi held his breath and sank beneath the water as it went lumbering over the bridge, the sirens horn screaming in his ears. Sasuke floated closer to his brother as the train passed. He stayed above, watching it lumber over. Lazy, almost. It wasn’t like they could talk with the train overhead anyway. His eyes just followed the movement, and then fell closed. He tried not to think about Itachi turning 18. He wondered if maybe they’d be fostered until then and he could just adopt him. Like they’d let Itachi adopt anyone. As if that was an option. Sasuke felt some panic rising in his chest but he tried to push it away.<br/><br/><br/><br/>Once the train passed over, Itachi surfaced, head tipped back as he breathed out, head tipping back and his long dark fair fanning around him. It reminded Sasuke of art he had seen. The one of Ophelia drowning in the river. Sasuke wound himself around him, not uncommon when they were children. Itachi had been bigger than him for so long. Now, they were about the same height. Sasuke though, clambered onto his back, hanging on him, weightless. He wrapped his arm around his neck and wrapped his legs around his waist, Itachi immediately moving to allow Sasuke to get comfortable.</p><p><br/><br/>Itachi leaned his head back, clicking his tongue in mock admonishment. “So clingy.” He chided and in a rare display of childishness, dunked them both backwards into the water, popping  back up with an amused sound, hair in his face. “You’re very touchy today, Sasuke.” He observed. Sasuke hummed in response. It wasn't the first time he had heard that and it wouldn't be the last. He could remember when they lived with father, before their mom's death how he followed Itachi like a shadow.</p><p><br/><br/> “I just...am happy to be close.” his grip had loosened a bit and he rested his chin on his shoulder.  “Do you not like it?” He didn’t unwind himself or seemed too bothered after the question. He knew that his brother didn't mind being close. They were all they had after all. </p><p><br/><br/>“No.” Itachi replied. “I don’t mind it.” His head tilted back, allowing his throat to be bared to Sasuke’s arm. “That girl Sakura is quite taken with you.” He observed lightly. “I think she has a crush.” Sasuke rolled his eyes at the thought. She was nice enough, but the feeling was not mutual at all. </p><p><br/><br/>“i’m not interested in her or Naruto.” he said plainly, lips pressing to his brothers temple gentle. He’d leaned forward just a bit to do it, using his arm as leverage to house himself closer. Any pressure on his arm was fine with his brother he figured, it just meant more pressure on his throat. Itachi never argued anyway. “They’re all temporary anyway. ” He said after a moment of resting against him. Comfortable. He loved being this close to him. It made him feel safe. Like Itachi wouldn't simply vanish from his grasp. That he wouldn't end up like mom and dad.</p><p><br/><br/>“Did I mention Naruto?” Itachi teased. He turned so he could properly see Sasuke. “Have you ever even been kissed before, Sasuke?” He pulled free, ducking under Sasuke’s arm to swim away, shirt clinging to his shoulder as he looked back at his brother. There was genuine curiosity in his gaze.</p><p><br/><br/>Sasuke shrugged, “No.” he didn’t know what that had fo do with anything. He wasn’t attracted to Sakura. He wasn’t attracted to anyone really, anyone but Itachi. That wasn't something he liked to linger on too much, but it was the truth. The only person worth noticing was Itachi. "Have you ever been kissed before?” It wasn’t like either of them had friends outside of each other. He tipped his head back, allowing himself to partially submerge in the water. His feet could feel the rocks underfoot and he vaguely wondered if there was any broken glass they could end up stepping on.<br/><br/><br/>Itachi nodded. “A boy a couple years above me in our old school. Tenma” Sasuke racked his brain to think of this mystery boy. "It was outside the locker room. It was snowing and his eyes were very dark." Itachi sounded fond as he thought of this boy and Sasuke splashed him in retaliation. </p><p><br/><br/>"Sounds really special.” He shot back before sighing. “I just don’t...want it be a big deal you know? I also don’t want it to be with someone I don’t care about-“ Dramatic, certainly, but Sasuke was more of a romantic than either of them knew. He wanted commitment and loyalty, not something fleeting.He was closer to Itachi now, just out of reach. </p><p><br/>Itachi tilted his head. “I understand. Even so...kisses don’t have to mean anything binding. They can be a way to learn so when you kiss the person you really wish to, you can please them.” His eyes darted to Sasuke’s lips for a moment. “It doesn't have to be all commitment and such. It could be fun.” He splashed water at the younger boy. “You’ll find the right person eventually.” He sounded as if didn’t doubt it. Sasuke blinked at this, looking at Itachi who was now watching him questioningly. He leaned in, pressing his mouth against Itachi's as if it was the easiest thing in the world. For him it was. It was easy, kissing him. His mouth felt right. They felt right together. He let himself move in flush, let his head tilt so they fit even better. he touched Itachi’s long hair, mesmerized by it as ever. This was his right person.</p><p><br/><br/>Itachi seemed only half surprised by the kiss and he smiled against Sasuke’s mouth. “Don't be silly.” He teased, nipping at Sasuke’s lip. "You know why we can't."</p><p><br/><br/>But still.</p><p><br/><br/>It felt right. Like they were meant to kiss. Their mouth seemed destined for each other, fitting perfectly. Sasuke almost scowled but he had his hand in his brothers hair and he fisted it, pulling him closer. He had wanted this for so long, to be close like this. There was no one he’d rather share his first kiss with. First time kisser or not, Sasuke pressed his tongue in, wanting all of him, wanting more than Itachi could possibly give him.</p><p><br/><br/>Itachi’s mouth opened, instantly acquiescing to Sasuke’s silent demand. He reached to cup Sasuke’s jaw in both his hands, tongue moving along Sasuke’s. As if he had been waiting for Sasuke to make the first move. Never the type to take charge. It was suddenly too hot. Sasuke had never felt so warm before and he craved it, pressing as close to his brother as he could. Whatever Sasuke wanted, Itachi would try to give. No matter what demand he could possibly have. Sasuke had always known this.</p><p><br/><br/>It was strange, how easily he fell into it, how eager he was for it. He knew he wanted this, had wanted this, longer than he could even have been aware of if;  yet...it felt like a sudden itch was scratched, and it left him wanting more. Instead of feeling satisfied. His tongue was exploring the caverns of his mouth, terrain he should not want. His fingers shifted from his hair to his throat. Like there was no where else that made sense. He wrapped his hand around him, body flush and hand just barely pressing in against the already bruised skin.</p><p><br/><br/>Itachi was the first to pull from the kiss. His hands still held onto his brother’s face. He took a moment to gather himself. “That was...you have potential.” He tilted his head. “But next time, try this instead of rushing.” And he pulled Sasuke in for a final kiss, tongue darting into Sasuke’s mouth and wrapping around his tongue as his fingers grasped at the back of his head, kissing his brother deeply, taking control of the kiss with an ease that shocked Sasuke. Sasuke moaned into the kiss, unable to stop himself from grasping at him. Itachi kissed him easily, tongue rubbing against his, mastering him. When he pulled back a stand of saliva was attached between their lips. Itachi smiled, patting Sasuke’s cheek.</p><p> </p><p>“Take their breath away.” He advised as if this was a simple lesson and he hadn't just made out with his brother.</p><p><br/><br/>Sasuke let out a soft noise and pulled him back. “Like this?” He mumbled, grabbing Itachi’s throat and pulling him towards him. He kissed him, it was hard and his tongue pressed into his mouth. He wasn’t letting him go this time, trying to get their bodies flush. His own cock hard and aching as he fought the urge to rut against Itachi's thigh.<br/><br/>Itachi nodded into this kiss, sinking fast. “Yes...like that.” He held close to his brother, breathless. He finally pulled back again, lips reddened. Another train roared overhead but Sasuke barely noticed it as he watched his brother. “We should go back.” Itachi whispered, mouth pink and eyes large and dark under the shadow of the bridge. <br/><br/><br/>"Not yet." Sasuke replied and moved forward. The train's horn blared and Sasuke bit at Itachi's lip, pressing their hips together. frantic, almost, like the build of the train was egging him on. Sasuke shouldn’t be doing this, but his heart was racing. He couldn’t think clearly. Sasuke was unwinding himself but gripping his brother's throat fighter. Needier. “please-“ He mumbled, going to kiss him again.</p><p><br/><br/>Itachi hadn’t been expecting it and he stilled as Sasuke clung to him, seeming unsure on what to do. He pulled his face back, attempting to catch his breath. “Sasuke, stop. We have to stop now.” He breathlessly warned, his voice was quiet and strained. "We can't do this anymore."</p><p><br/><br/>Sasuke groaned, shaking his head. “Itachi-“ he mumbled softly, holding onto him and he smiled.</p><p> </p><p>The train passed and the bridge fell silent. “I took your breath away.”<br/><br/><br/></p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Safety Net</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The brothers realize how deep they're in and Sasuke can't bring himself to care.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There was an extended moment of silence. Itachi couldn't hear himself or Sasuke breathe. He couldn't hear the fading train or the lap of water. All he could do was stare at his brother, stunned and shaken by what had just transpired. When he finally found himself he was already on autopilot. “No.” Itachi turned away. “We can’t...it’s ..it’s not right...stop.” He pushed Sasuke away and backed towards the edge of the water, shaken and struggling to get a grip on the slippery rock. He reached the edge of the water. He was shaking and fumbled to get to his feet on unsteady legs, almost falling over himself.<br/><br/><br/> “I-okay,” He heard Sasuke's sudden uncharacteristically subdued voice behind him, “Itachi....I- I’m sorry.” That was the worst of it. Sasuke should never feel compelled to apologize for something Itachi had allowed. None of this was his fault and Itachi hated how lost he sounded. How small his voice had suddenly become, as if they were still at home with father and Sasuke was being reprimanded by the man.<br/><br/><br/>“This is not your fault.” Itachi turned to look over at Sasuke, desperate to assure him. He stood at the edge of the water, ringing his hair out and searching for his clothes. “We just...we can’t do that sort of thing. I shouldn’t have kissed you. This was my fault.” He found his pants folded up and slid off his underwear and drenched shirt in order to not get his clothes wet when he redressed. He pulled up his hoodie first, finally feeling back to normal and no longer overheated. He could feel Sasuke looking him over, eyes lingering on the flash of naked skin as Itachi quickly attempted to redress. Itachi tossed his water clogged clothes aside as he knelt to put on his sneakers. They could go home and forget all about what happened here. They were growing hormonal boys. That was all. Hormonal boys who had faced their own bout of trauma in life. This would all pass soon. He heard Sasuke move to get out of water, slowly making his way up the embankment. </p><p><br/><br/>He pulled on his brother’s arm, biting his lower lip. It was a worrying habit he had since childhood. Father used to yell at him for it, telling him to stop fidgeting. “You know...you don’t mean that.” He said softly, “I’m glad my first kiss was with you.”</p><p><br/><br/>Itachi inclined his head, linking his fingers with Sasuke’s for a moment. He smiled sadly at his brother, flattered by Sasuke's sincerity, but desperate to put it to rest.  “It was a nice kiss but...I stand by what I said.” He couldn’t risk doing anything more.He glanced out at the river. “This will not happen again.” He stated solemnly, watching the water flow for a moment before turning to pull his jeans up.</p><p><br/><br/>Sasuke looked at him, shaking his head. “No,” He stated, simply. He put his shirt back on, his hoodie and pants, leaving his wet clothes there and tugged on his brothers arm. “That’s not true.” He mumbled softly as if his conviction was far too strong to allow Itachi's words to scare him off. "No one understands you like I do-“</p><p><br/><br/>Itachi turned to face Sasuke. “You are still a child, Sasuke. You’re 15. You have all the time in the world to meet people. As do I.”  His hair was still soaked. He took his damp clothes and began to walk out from under the bridge, grabbing his sketchbook as well. “I need time to myself.” He stated simply, making it clear he didn’t want Sasuke to follow.</p><p> </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/><br/>The next several weeks passed with little notice. One of the foster kids, Lee was adopted by a man with the same bowl-cut hair and Itachi was happy for the both of them. Lee had been kind and had hugged Itachi goodbye as if they had been friends for years. Itachi’s 18th birthday was six weeks away and Itachi understood his time here was limited. He prepared himself as much as possible. The other foster kids kept rallying around Sasuke, hoping to bring him out of his shell. They seemed to understand that there was a strong possibility that he would be left behind once Itachi aged out. Graduation was in less than a month and Itachi was left wondering what this meant. For himself and for Sasuke.He avoided him for the most part, taking to wandering. Anything he could discover felt like something wonderful. Anywhere he could be alone. The attic was too risky now. He couldn’t trust Sasuke trying to follow him.</p><p> </p><p>Itachi spent the time not at school, in the attic or under the bridge. During his wandering he had discovered an abandoned train station and had taken to going there as well. It was overgrown with wildlife, reclaimed by nature after the new station had gone up years before. It was so difficult, painful almost, being so distant from his brother. He’d made it clear he needed space and Sasuke seemed to be attempting to respect it. In fact he had begun aloof and disinterested in the days following the incident, still likely upset about the rejection. Itachi could only hope that it allowed Sasuke to move on. They barely spoke and Sasuke often shot him a glowering look that Itachi was more than happy to ignore.</p><p> </p><p>Itachi adjusted the collar of his shirt and finished brushing out his hair. He looked perfect. Not a hair put of place. The foster parents were out for the weekend, leaving the kids to their own devices. As the eldest, Itachi had made sure they had all eaten their supper and sent them on their way. A lot of trust had been placed in him and he would hate to disappoint them. He wasn't a strong cooker so he and Sakura had managed to work together to make mac and cheese and hot dogs, that Itachi refused to touch, but the rest of the brood were thrilled to have.<br/><br/>He left the house, with his usual excuse of going on a nightly walk and once he hit the edge of the woods, he began to navigate to his destination. About a mile away from the bridge wad a large abandoned train station. There were tunnels beneath and the old buildings with the broken door. Years ago the town had been a bustling stop between two cities. Lumber had been a huge part of the economic growth in the town but after many years it had faded away into obscurity, with only remnants of its' former role peaking out. The train station stood testament to that.Itachi had found it by chance and now used it as he pleased. It was too muddy and closed off for anyone else to bother approaching, the ground wad unleveled and prone to collapsing.<br/><br/>Itachi walked in through the doorway. He had cleaned it ad best he could, fixing up the old bench and counter and keeping a flashlight hanging overhead. He turned on the light, casting the room in shadows. It was quiet and secluded and perfect. He wrapped the noose around his neck and tied it against the bench. He had it set so it would be easy to take out if needed, low enough to the ground for him to brace himself if it malfunctioned. He was careful to ensure there were no accidents. He had been doing this long enough to know what to look for. Both the rush and the strain of strangulation was well know to him by now. He carefully moved onto the bench, taking careful steps over to the edge, his toes hovering over empty air.<br/><br/>Already breathless in anticipation he allowed his weight to drop and the noose to tighten, cutting off his air with ease. He hung, suspended for a moment and even with no breath able to enter his lungs, he felt like he could finally breathe.</p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>Sasuke first realized something was terribly wrong in their home five months after their mother died.  The tension had been building and cloying for weeks. Father had become a disheveled mess while Itachi had attempted to step up and fill the void mother left behind. He was a terrible cook, having not gained their mother's talents but he still made sure Sasuke had foot on his plate. He never allowed Sasuke to go hungry, even with father spiraling downward. Father lashed out more, eyes often bloodshot and face unkempt. Then it seemed overnight that things changed..again. Father was suddenly almost back to normal. He was getting up in the morning and going to work, he was taking care of himself. Sasuke thought things were looking up. That they were over the worst of it. No more fights and accusations, just some sort of healing.</p><p> </p><p>Sasuke had always been naive.</p><p> </p><p>Itachi put on an amazing act. For too long, Sasuke didn't suspect anything was going wrong.  That somehow, father was getting back onto his feet. He hadn't considered how that happened or what role Itachi played.</p><p> </p><p>Not until that night.</p><p> </p><p>It was something he still regretted to this day, four years later.</p><p> </p><p>Sasuke was never good at voicing his emotions. Something both he and Itachi had inherited from their father. Itachi told him to keep his distance, so he had. But he was never too far behind, watching his brother even when he thought he was in private. Watching him hanging himself, over and over; watching the bruises blossom on his throat. Sasuke itched to touch him. Sasuke needed fo touch him. He knew what a rush strangling was. Had heard about the warnings on t.v. Kids were doing it to themselves because it was a game to them. Sasuke wondered if it was a game to Itachi.</p><p><br/><br/>He knew that his time with Itachi was coming to an end, at least legally. He was going to lose him, and it was growing hard and harder for him to respect his space. He resented it when Itachi tried pushing him away, tried treating him like a child. As if they had not been in <em>that</em> house together. As if Sasuke was still naive and dumb. So he waited. Biding his time and giving Itachi his precious space. He did his work and minded his foster parents. The very picture of respect.</p><p> </p><p>The night Itachi left to go for his 'walk', Sasuke was ready. He curled on the couch, writing; writing about his brother. Trying to act like he wasn’t paying attention to him. Like he didn’t care. He cared so much. More than he could ever admit. He didn't care about much in the world and honestly, Itachi was probably the only thing he did care about. He didn’t even know where Itachi was going, just that he needed to follow as he always did; Unseen and in the shadows. Sasuke had gotten good at sneaking around, admittedly. It had been years since the first time he'd gotten caught, at the top of the basement stairs as his dad strangled Itachi to passing out, to dying. Dead. Itachi had died so many times at this point, was he even a real thing? Was he a part of Sasuke's imagination? Sometimes he wondered, but he knew that wasn't reasonable. Sasuke was not as naturally curious as Itachi, he didn't crave solitude, he had nothing to hide. Sasuke alone, wouldn't have bothered finding this train station, but he had gotten quite familiar with it since his brother had.</p><p><br/><br/>Sasuke was quiet, sure footed. He had to get good at hiding so he could watch the things his dad used to do to his brother. Before his dad let him watch, before he let him help revive him. No, he used to have to sneak, too curious to let it go. This was no different. He was just curious, tucked in the shadows; watching his brother.  It being so dark lent to his ability to sneak around, sure, but today was different. Today, Sasuke couldn't stand it anymore. Itachi teasing him, it felt like, ignoring him, suspending himself like this for no one to see. It was all for Sasuke, in his head, he believed in the theatrics. He shouldn't have to do this alone.</p><p><br/><br/>Sasuke emerged from the shadows, silent, stalking. He moved in, close to his brother and his hand wrapped around his throat, the way dad's used to, though not quite as large. He wrapped it around the side and squeezed, eyes never leaving his brother's face.</p><p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>.</p><p><br/><br/>Itachi’s eyes flew open and for a moment he was staring up at father. For a moment father had found him and had come to finish what he had started. He stared, frightened for a moment and the noose tightened unexpectedly. He grasped at the hand, trying to escape until his eyes slowly focused and it was not father above him, strangling him.</p><p><br/><br/>It was Sasuke.</p><p><br/>Itachi’s grip on the hand softened, mouth falling open in need of air as he stared up at his brother. His beautiful, perfect brother. He couldn’t reach any higher to touch him, but in the moment it was alright.<br/><br/>Sasuke was here.</p><p><br/><br/>Sasuke would take care of him.</p><p><br/><br/>He let his hand fall away. Sasuke was not father. He would not let him slip away.</p><p><br/><br/>Sasuke made sure too much weight wasn't on his throat and the noose, lifting his brother up some. No, he definitely didn't want to lose him. He held him, expertly, it felt like. Itachi's throat felt right in his grasp and he let out a soft sigh, but it was certainly pleased. He was pleased. This was everything he wanted.</p><p><br/><br/>Sasuke was holding his brother's life in his hand, He was holding his bruise throat, and he was pressing his mouth to his again, because he couldn't help himself. He had been thinking about this since the last time they'd parted ways. Since Itachi had sent him away. The kiss was hungry and desperate, tongue right to the point, Sasuke still holding itachi in a way so he wouldn't pass out. "Nii-san-" Breathy, almost not even coherent before he pressed lips to his again.</p><p><br/><br/>Itachi arched into the kiss with a keening cry, choked and desperate.  He kissed back weakly, putty in Sasuke’s hands.</p><p><br/><br/>Sasuke kissed him like...Itachi couldn’t remember ever being kissed like this before.  He wanted to whisper his name, but with the hand around his throat he could do nothing but kiss back.Sasuke lowered him forward, letting the rope hold him again, kissing him, waiting to hear his breath shake before he was going to let him down. He pressed a hand to the front of Itachi's pants and letting the rope work his throat, hand barely even supporting it anymore.</p><p><br/><br/>Sasuke was as overwhelmed as his brother, as needy as his brother, as hard as his brother. How could he refrain from wanting him? With the way he was making him feel, making him react and bend. Itachi was beautiful, and kissing him during this he wondered if he'd feel his final breath before blacking out.</p><p><br/><br/>Itachi rubbed his crotch against Sasuke’s hand, almost desperate to have him touch him. He didn’t know if it was the lack of oxygen thinking for him but it didn’t matter. Black spots clouded his vision and he blinked, feeling sluggish as he fought for breath. He stared up at his brother, mesmerized as his vision began to fade. Sasuke’s hand was everything. His touch was all that mattered. He let out a shuddering breathy moan before the world rushed at him and he knew no more.</p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>.</p><p><br/><br/>Sasuke was a mess, feeling his mouth against his, the breath leaving him. His brother was gone. Not in the way father used to take him, but passed out. Safe. Sasuke quickly moved to unwind him so he could breath. It was fine. Itachi wasn't dead. Sasuke was so hard in his pants. He had to ignore that for now. He could worry about it after Itachi came back. He managed to easily move Itachi away from the bench, to where he had tossed his backpack, rummaging through it while he waited for his brother to stir.</p><p><br/><br/>He pulled his head into his lap, fingers dragging through his hair, just petting him. He wanted Itachi as comfortable as possible when he came to. He tried to calm his aching cock, because he needed to be here for him, Would be here for him. The flashlight hit by the window shifted the light around the place and Sasuke shivered, pushing Itachi's hair back from his forehead. Moments later, Itachi began to stir. He blinked sluggishly, head tipping back as he tried to understand where he was. He looked up at Sasuke, eyes large and dark in the shadowy station.</p><p><br/><br/>He relaxed against his brother, smiling weakly up at him. He had never had a rush like this and if had managed to black out, he never woke up this comfortable. Sasuke leaned down, kissing his forehead. "Beautiful." He mumbled, "How are you feeling?" He handed him the water bottle he had always brought along with him, so he could drink some if he needed to. Itachi looked perfect and seemed to be in okay shape. He pet his hair back some and bit his lower lip. Sharing this with him, was all he really could ever ask for.<br/><br/><br/>Itachi took the water and thanked Sasuke softly, drinking it. “I’m ok.” He replied, setting the water down. “How long have...how long have you been following me?” He asked softly. He peered up his his brother.</p><p><br/><br/>Sasuke shrugged his shoulders, "The uh... whole time." He admitted, and he pushed his hair back, just watching him, taking him in. Beautiful, really. Now he got to help. He ran his fingers down Itachi's throat, just gently, coaxing. "I saw you in the attic and I couldn't...I needed to see. To be there with you." If something went wrong. If Itachi <em>needed</em> him.</p><p><br/><br/>Itachi hummed in response, seemingly not too surprised. “That’s alright. You haven’t told anyone?” They would certainly stop him. Itachi didn’t doubt it for a second. He leaned against his brother’s comforting weight.</p><p><br/><br/>"Of course not-" Who would he tell? Why would he? He could never hurt his brother or get him in to trouble? All he wanted was to be involved, to be close. "It's been so hard...being away from you." He admitted, voice soft. Being away from Itachi was by far his least favorite thing he'd ever had to do but he was trying to be respectful. He couldn't be anymore</p><p><br/><br/>Itachi nodded, relieved and gingerly touched this throat. “We can’t just...we have to be smart about this.” He couldn’t risk things going badly. Couldn’t risk getting caught or Sasuke...He looked up at his brother. “You enjoyed it.” He observed. “Strangling me.” His brother had done it with little effort, as if second nature.</p><p><br/><br/>Sasuke shrugged his shoulders, biting his lower lip. "How could I not enjoy something brings you so much pleasure?" He didn't want to admit how much he'd enjoyed it, how much he wanted to do it again. How he'd do it for him anytime, anyplace, at the drop of a hat. How he'd been grabbing his throat at the lake; desperate and needy. Of course he enjoyed it.</p><p><br/><br/>"We...can certainly be smart about it." He agreed, almost shivering at the idea he was going to get to partake in this again.</p><p><br/><br/>Itachi pulled away from Sasuke, struggling to his feet. “Only here. Anywhere else and we risk being seen. It won’t be like with father. I won’t...I won’t do that again.”He watched Sasuke closely. “Just us. No one else.” He couldn’t stress this enough. No matter what.</p><p><br/><br/>Sasuke got up much easier, stashing his water bottle away and pulling Itachi towards him. He pressed a couple of feather light kisses to his jaw. "I wouldn't want to share this with anyone anyway. They wouldn't understand." He said softly, and it was true. He saw what happened with his father, but his father was reckless. He didn't understand what he had, didn't appreciate it.</p><p><br/><br/>Itachi relaxed against his brother, nodding. “I have to clean myself up.” He murmured. “The kids should be in bed by now.” He glanced out the darkened window. It was night out. They needed to head back. He pressed a gentle kiss to Sasuke’s shoulder. “Come on. We don’t want to be caught.” He took his items with him, packing them away before holding out a hand for Sasuke.</p><p><br/>Sasuke took his hand, lacing their fingers together. He was glad to be back in Itachi's good graces. Things never felt right when they were not on the same wavelength. Together he was happier, better with him. He was quiet on the way home, making sure both of them were careful over the uneven terrain. He worried, with it being dark but they made it home fine. He couldn't help the smile on his face when everyone was in deed, in bed. "Do you need any help?" his voice was soft, barely above a whisper.</p><p> </p><p></p><div class="yj6qo">
  <p>Itachi offered Sasuke a small smile and squeezed his hand. "No, I'm fine. He assured the younger boy in a hushed tone, as if afraid they would be overheard. "Our foster parents should be home within an hour. If anyone asks where we were, we'll say we were walking down by the park." The park was always a reasonable answer. He nodded to the stairs. "Come on, let's head up before anyone comes looking."</p>
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<a name="section0004"><h2>4. The Station</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Lot of smut in this chapter. Like, not much else other than Sasuke trying to pork Itachi. POV switches throughout.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p>The next morning Itachi woke up with Sasuke at his side. He lay in comfortable silence for a moment, enjoying his brother’s warmth. It was still very early, the window showing nothing but darkness outside. He glanced at the nightstand and the alarm clock showed 6:17 a.m.  Itachi turned over and slowly sat up, hair a mess and limbs heavy as if he had been running nonstop. With it being the weekend, Itachi knew he could simply take it easy for the day and hopefully be in better shape by Monday. He never went to school this sore, granted, he never involved Sasuke before this. Sasuke let out a soft noise of displeasure and reached out towards Itachi and pulled him back into bed. Itachi gladly allowed himself to be pulled back against Sasuke. It was still early after all. Itachi settled back against his brother. There was no need to rush. His brother was warm. He turned over to curl against him. Sasuke made a sleepy noise as he ran a hand over his stomach, up his shirt, half asleep. "Too early-" he grumbled. Itachi practically purred as Sasuke’s hand up his shirt, his hands warm and comforting.</p><p> </p><p>“We will have to be up eventually.” He half argued, already comfortable again. He pressed a kiss against Sasuke’s jaw. Sasuke smiled in response, not seeming the least bit concerned with the idea of getting up. His head tilted up for the kiss and he kept rubbing him, just his stomach and up his chest. </p><p> </p><p>"I know," He mumbled, "But not right now." The rest of the household wouldn’t likely be up until around 7.  They should enjoy the time that they had. The time for just the two of them. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah...” Itachi agreed a little breathlessly. “Not right now....” He continued peppering Sasuke’s jaw with kisses, melting against him. It was still too early for the other kids to be up. They liked to sleep in on weekends. Itachi didn’t mind this at all if it meant more time with Sasuke. Sasuke let out a soft hum when he continued to kiss and his hand slid over his nipples but didn’t pause, moving to graze against his throat. His free hand tangled into Itachi’s hair, just wrapped around his shoulder so he could use his left hand to stroke his hair gently. Itachi remained curled up with Sasuke, not wanting to leave his arms. He pressed his cheek against Sasuke’s head and relaxed, watching the first sign of light peak through the window. He stroked a hand down Sasuke’s shoulders, doodling onto him with gentle fingers. It was rare when he woke up this relaxed and at ease. Sasuke definitely had helped with that.</p><p> </p><p>Sasuke let out a content sigh, practically melting against him. as though he could refrain. “I love you.“ He mumbled, lips on his cheek and jaw, trailing down to his shoulder. Sasuke seemed to be a natural at this. He moved his hand over Itachi’s stomach and chest for a little heavier petting, rubbing his collarbones, practically massaging in little circles down his sternum. For being so disconnected and uninterested in interacting with people, it seemed he understood what exactly felt good.</p><p> </p><p>Itachi smiled against Sasuke. “I love you too.” He whispered, petting Sasuke’s hair back from his face to kiss his temple. He tilted his head back against the pillow, feeling light as air. Sasuke’s touches were always welcome no matter the context. He was putty when Sasuke touched him  and he didn’t bother to deny it. Sasuke sighed, softly, body pressing close to Itachi’s. He ran his fingers through his hair, his touch gentle before he pulled his head down to drag their lips together. It wasn't demanding, wasn't pushing for anything else. He pressed his tongue into his mouth, rubbing his stomach with talented fingers. It was all just easy, like second nature.Itachi could get used to this. He opened his mouth for Sasuke, feeling that familiar heat between his legs. “<em>Otouto</em>...” he whispered against Sasuke’s mouth. He wanted to remain here forever. In Sasuke’s arms.</p><p> </p><p>Sasuke nuzzled against his jaw, biting his own lower lip, his hand tracing down lower on his stomach, just above the waistband of his pajama pants. his fingers dipped below just a little and he kissed over his neck. Itachi’s hand moved up his back, urging him on silently.  Itachi knew he should stop him. Knew that this was dangerous and foolish.He couldn't help but keep touching him, keep drawing closer. He tilted his head back to catch his lips again. Itachi should probably stop this now. It would do no good to let this continue, but Sasuke felt good against him and he had been so good last night. This would be okay. They could handle this. Just a little. He kissed along Sasuke’s ear, fingers moving up his shirt to touch his back, nails ever so slightly digging in as he kissed him.</p><p> </p><p>Sasuke’s fingers traveled under the waistband of his pajama pants, brushing  his fingers over Itachi’s pubic hair, not dipping further. It was just teasing, rubbing his stomach in circular motions, dipping below his pants when he got to that point and dipping back out. Sasuke let out a shaky breath when he kissed behind his ear, head tilting back. "Nii-san" It was breathy, really, easy. All of this was so comfortable, easy. As if they had been like this since the very beginning. Maybe there had always been that spark there between them. Father had stopped caring about them after mother’s death. Had stopped seeing them as his children and started seeing them as expendable. Sasuke had clung to Itachi, and Itachi had welcomed it.</p><p> </p><p>Itachi’s hand traveled, moving towards his chest as he slowly maneuvered himself so he was on top of Sasuke, kissing along his jaw. “You took such good care of me last night, Otouto.” Itachi whispered between kisses, “I never got the chance to thank you.”</p><p> </p><p>Sasuke bit his own lower lip as Itachi crawled on top of him. "You don't owe me anything..." He muttered softly. "You're beautiful." He mumbled, fingers running through his hair. He kissed over his jaw again, as if he couldn't help himself. Itachi smiled into the kiss, pleased by Sasuke’s words. His hand rubbed over Sasuke’s ribs. He took a steadying breath. Every reason in his head was arguing with him. Telling him how foolish he was. How dangerous this all was. It didn’t matter. None of it mattered.  He pressed his ass back against Sasuke’s crotch, maintaining eye contact with him so he knew it wasn’t an accident.</p><p> </p><p>Sasuke looked at him, eyes wide. "Oh-" he said softly, and he pulled him down. He kissed him, hard, and ground his hips up against him. It seemed that Itachi could render his prideful little brother speechless with just a simple motion. There was a thrill in it. Having that sort of control for once. Being the one on top. Being the one who was able to call the shots.Itachi moaned into the kiss, reaching with trembling hands to pull his boxers aside, suddenly desperate for Sasuke. He moved his hips back, grinding his ass onto Sasuke’s crotch. “Sasuke please.” He whispered against Sasuke’s lips. He knew Sasuke wanted him and Itachi needed him more than anything.</p><p> </p><p>Sasuke cursed under his breath, dragging himself into a seated position so he could keep Itachi firmly in his lap. Itachi allowed himself to be manhandled, delighted in it.  Sasuke was inadvertently pressing up against him, trying to scramble from his pants without moving his brother too much. His cock was hard, leaking, he wrapped his hand around Itachi’s cock and let his own slide between his cheeks. Itachi’s head fell back, a tiny moan pushing past his lips. He pressed back against Sasuke, limbs trembling. "Aniki-" Sasuke grabbed Itachi’s throat with his free hand and pulled him down for another hungry kiss, grip tight when he heard the knock on the door. Both froze, Sasuke’s cock still  nestled between Itachi’s cheeks. so close, so close. Sasuke shifted eyes darting up to meet Itachi who silenced him with a look. He went on auto pilot, fixing his boxers, and throwing a blanket over Sasuke as he strode to Sasuke’s bed and snatched up a blanket for himself. Glancing to make sure Sasuke was covered, Itachi wrapped himself in the blanket, putting on a bleary eyed expression as he moved to crack open the door.</p><p> </p><p>“Hello?” He whispered. He knew Sasuke would not dare move or speak, remaining perfectly still as if still asleep. One of the younger kids, Konohamaru, stood at the door. He didn’t look too concerned by the blanket or Sasuke being in his brother's bed. His eyes were half closed and his nose red as if he had a cold.</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry ‘tachi-“ he rubbed at his nose noisily, “I have a really bad stomach-“ He mumbled, shifting on his feet. Sasuke wanted to kill him, no doubt. Itachi could nearly feel the tension from the lump under the blanket.</p><p> </p><p>Itachi’s uneasy expression immediately softened and he nodded to the poor boy. “I’m sorry you’re not feeling well. Let me get dressed really quick and I’ll be able to help you.” He quietly ushered the child to wait in the hall and give him a moment before walking over to the dresser. He took his towel from the shower he had last night and quickly cleaned himself, feeling sweaty and disheveled, slipping out of his underwear and putting them in the hamper. He was still warm and half hard but it would go away in time. He redressed quickly, offering Sasuke an apologetic look. “You don’t have to rush to get up. Rest some more if you want.” Sasuke shot him a dubious glare that Itachi ignored. He sanitized his hands, pulling his hair into a quick messy bun before walking back to the door where Konohamaru was waiting, standing against the wall and looking absolutely miserable. </p><p> </p><p>“Come along, we’ll get you something to settle your stomach.” Itachi kindly offered, checking the boy’s temperature with the back of his hand. He idly wondered why Konohamaru went to him instead of their foster parents, but it hardly mattered. “Sasuke, can you check to see if the rest are awake?” He asked, without looking back at Sasuke, knowing he would do whatever he asked. He took the boys’ hand and led him to the bathroom. It was early but the one thing that would get them all stirring was breakfast. Sasuke liked to cook, he had cooked a lot back home after mother died and sometimes would offer to help cook breakfast at the foster home. That would at least keep him busy for at least a little while. They walked to the bathroom and Itachi's nose wrinkled at the odor of someone recently (probably Naruto) letting loose their bowels. Konohamaru seemed to smell it too and he giggled despite himself.</p><p> </p><p>Itachi settled Konohamaru on the bathroom vanity and went about looking for the child pepto bismol. It was under lock and key but Itachi had been trusted with it while watching the kids. He poured some into the little cup and had the boy take it with little fuss. Konohamaru’s face expression was absolutely miserable, no doubt feeling genuinely sick. If Itachi had to guess it could be due to him and Naruto overeating the night before. “Have you puked at all?” Itachi asked, looking through the medicine cabinet for a thermometer and finding nothing on the shelves. Konohamaru shook his head.</p><p> </p><p>“Not yet.” Itachi shut the medicine cabinet in annoyance, knowing he’d have to let their foster parents know that Konohamru was sick. It was nice to be doing something like this again. When he and Sasuke were kids, Sasuke used to run to him first when he wasn't feeling well, not wanting to tell their mother. Itachi had always shuffled him off to bed with a warm drink and crackers. It was almost like being home again.</p><p> </p><p>Downstairs he could smell something cooking and heard the other kids begin wandering towards the kitchen. He turned back to Konohamaru. “Looks like someone’s making breakfast. Do you feel up for food at all?” He asked and the boy shook his head. He was doodling on the gaudy pink plastic sink vanity with a finger, legs slowly moving back and forth.</p><p> </p><p>“Nah, not hungry.” He muttered and Itachi nodded, cleaning the now empty measuring cup and helping Konohamaru off the counter.</p><p> </p><p>“Let’s get you back into bed then.” Itachi stated, stroking his hair back from his face.  “Do you think you’re going to throw up?” Konohamaru shook his head.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, that’s good. Maybe a little rest will help. I’ll grab some ginger ale for you to sip on, okay? Then I can have the fosters come see you.” Itachi offered and the boy nodded, looking tired, taking Itachi’s hand and allowing the older boy to lead him back to his room and settle him in.</p><p> </p><p>Downstairs, Sasuke stood at his foster father’s side and helped make breakfast. It didn’t take them too long, just breakfast tortillas. And surely enough Sakura came out dragging Naruto behind her. He was still half asleep, groggy. Sasuke wondered if Itachi was still with Konohamru, but he figured it was fine to wait. He watched as their foster mother put on coffee.</p><p> </p><p>“Is Itachi coming down? Or Konohamaru?” She asked, glancing at Sasuke as he lay out a tortilla shell.</p><p> </p><p>Sasuke shook his head in response. “No, Konohmaru came to our room sick. Itachi’s taking care of him.” He explained and watched as she pursed her lips thoughtfully.</p><p> </p><p>“Wish he would just come to me instead of waking you up.” She muttered and her husband chuckled in response.</p><p> </p><p>“And risk getting in trouble for eating so much junk food? I think Itachi was the safer bet.” He teased, glancing dubiously at Naruto who stuck out his tongue in response, too tired to defend himself. Their foster mother sighed and finished with the coffee.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I’m going to check on them and send Itachi down. I hate when he skips meals.” She walked out of the kitchen while the kids looked after her, talking among themselves. Sasuke split all the food up as he finished it. He gave Sakura and Naruto their food at the table. Sakura was watching him, beaming. she knew better than to ask if he needed help. Sasuke would deny it. Their foster father set plates out for Shino and Moegi who were quietly waiting for their plates. Sasuke fixed Itachi’s food how he liked it. With no meat and poured him his coffee. He took what remained and leaned against the counter .He sipped his coffee, black with no sugar and waited. His whole life was waiting for Itachi he felt like, but he would do anything for him, happily.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Once Konohamaru was settled he fell asleep in no time, snoring as Itachi inched out of the room and quietly closing the door behind him just as their foster mother reached them. “Thank you.” She told him gratefully, glancing towards the door. “Why don't you go down and have some breakfast. I’ll get Konohamru anything he might need.” Itachi nodded in response and made his way downstairs, tempted to return to his room and crawl into bed for sleep. Instead he reached the kitchen and spotted the coffee Sasuke had made for him. Extra sugary and barely drinkable just as Itachi liked it. He waved good morning to the other kids and took the sugary coffee, sipping it in appreciation. Sakura was demurely eating her food, glancing at Sasuke now and then, obviously infatuated with the boy. Itachi almost felt bad for her, but she was young. There was no doubt she would eventually find someone else. Moegi was kicking her legs as she ate, cheerful and upbeat. Itachi took the offered plate with a smile.</p><p> </p><p>Things were going...great.  It almost didn’t feel real. Itachi was still waiting for someone to rip the rug out from under him, but for now it was peaceful. He still was torn on what to do with Sasuke, knowing that they were both walking a dangerous line. Sasuke didn’t seem to care at all, but that didn’t make Itachi feel any better about it. Sasuke had fallen into his role so easily that it was difficult to remember much of a time before he was there at the end of the rope. It was distracting, admittedly. He looked over to Sasuke who was eating and avoiding small talk with the other kids. Their foster father had already headed upstairs to help with Konohamaru.</p><p> </p><p>“I just wish you would hang out with us more.” He heard Sakura saying from the table, looking over at Sasuke with an earnest look in her eyes. “It must be lonely, not having anyone to be around all the time.”</p><p>"Is Itachi not here?" Shino pointed out, startling the other kids, who were not used to hearing him speak. Sakura's cheeks flushed and she looked over to Itachi apologetically.</p><p>"No I just mean, that...there are people outside of his brother- no offense Itachi!" She waved a frantic hand at Itachi while he looked at her in placid interest. "I just mean that it doesn't hurt to hang out with <em>other</em> people too."</p><p> </p><p>“Everyone knows what you mean by <em>hang</em> <em>out</em>.” Naruto teased, earning a confused look from Moegi and a scowl from Sakura who must have kicked Naruto under the table from the responding yelp and table shake. “<strong>HEY</strong>!”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m fine.” Sasuke replied, tone even. His eyes moved over to glance at Itachi and his lips twitched. “I have <em>plenty</em> to keep my attention.” Itachi felt his face heat up at this, unnoticed by any of the other kids. Naruto instantly launched into accusations as Sasuke maintained eye contact with Itachi, lips curved into a knowing smile.</p><p> </p><p>. <br/><br/><br/><br/></p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>“You look beautiful like this, Nii-san...” The station was dark. It was night out. All the other fosters were out for the night. Sakura was in the middle of an adoption process with a lady named Tsunade and the parents were at a meeting with her.This allowed the brothers to have the house to themselves for the night when they were done in the station. Sasuke always got worked up doing this for him. He had his hand wrapped tight around his throat, holding him in the air.</p><p> </p><p>Itachi released a weak noise of approval, eyelashes fluttering. “Sa...sas..ke...” he was hard and attempting to gain friction between his legs. He grasped weakly at Sasuke, choking against his hand in bliss. “Please...” There was a raw beauty to it all. The rush of air when he could breathe again, only to be cut off again. His head would grow light, his vision would dim and when he was on the brink, it was utter bliss. </p><p> </p><p>Sasuke was watching him lose himself, and his hand went down the front of his pants. He knew he was hard and Sasuke wrapped his hand around his length, dark eyes fixed intently on his brother. “Please what, Aniki?” He whispered, voice so soft in comparison to the weak choked off noises escaping Itachi. He was keeping him level as he held him, suspended him. He was good about not letting him black out. He had perfected it in a way father never had. He wrapped his hand around the base of his dick and pressed their lips together. </p><p> </p><p>Sasuke loved to pleasure him, loved to take hold and work his throat and his cock. Sasuke was as turned on as he was, surely. There was a time or two he’d come without even having to touch his own cock. Just from witnessing this. Itachi was practically babbling by this point, breathless and needy. “Please...I....” what was he even begging for? To come? For Sasuke to squeeze harder?His head tipped back, trembling and tense. “Please let me....” his head lolled as he kissed Sasuke back. Struggling to speak and breathe. “I can’t...” He tried to speak again, leaking over Sasuke’s hand. He was soaked. Not even coming and so wet.</p><p> </p><p>Sasuke loved that, of course he did. He loved for him to beg, and his mouth was on his as he did both, a tighter grip on his throat and his cock being stroked a little bit faster, a little bit harder. "Perfect-" He mumbled softly, and really, he was perfect. He was looking his face over, watching him struggle. The best part. He broke the kiss just to witness it, almost too much for him to bear. "Itachi..." it was breathy and he was worked up, he wanted to hold his throat back and fuck right into him, but as for now he was stroking his cock and pressing his fingers into his throat.</p><p> </p><p>“Oto...oh god....oh my go....<em> haaaa </em>...” Itachi couldn’t speak. Could barely think. All that mattered was Sasuke’s hand and his voice. Itachi keened, legs trembling violently, mouth open and involuntary tears streaming down his flushed cheeks. Itachi arched his back, eyes tightening as he came with a muffled sob, instantly going limp.</p><p> </p><p>Sasuke let out a shaky noise as he unraveled. He was quick to move him. He didn't want him to die, after all. It was a game they were playing, but a dangerous one. He pulled his hands from his boxers and got him upright, then into his lap. "Itachi-" his voice was soft and he pet his hair, pushing fingers back into it. Sasuke hadn't finished but it was a wonder, really, he was still so hard in his pants, still so needy. but his focus was on his brother.</p><p> </p><p>Itachi blinked wearily, leaning into Sasuke. “M’sorry...” he mumbled. “I didn’t mean to...” he looked up at Sasuke, exhausted and shaking. “Think we should stop.” He mumbled, limbs trembling as he tried to push himself up. He was exhausted and had pushed himself too hard too fast.</p><p> </p><p>Sasuke pulled him into his lap, petting his hair. "Hey, stop talking," he neglected his own cock, straining into the fabric of his pants. "That was good, huh?" he pet his neck, rubbing over it so it didn't bruise as much. He loved taking care of him after the fact, doting on him. His fingers dragged through his hair lazily and he smiled. "You look so beautiful."</p><p> </p><p>Itachi tilted his head back. He offered Sasuke a weak smile. “Mhm....” He could hardly understand his brother, blissed out and content. He reached out to stroke Sasuke’s cheek, rubbing his thumb over his jaw. “You’re so good to me.” He whispered.</p><p> </p><p>Sasuke pressed his fingers through his hair, petting him, holding onto him as best he could. "I would do anything for you..." He stated as if it was obvious, pressing his face into his neck. hard, straining, he was trying to not focus on that. His breath was a little shallow. His fingers curled into his hair harder, unable to keep from pulling him close as he could.</p><p> </p><p>“We should head back.” Itachi finally whispered after a couple minutes, hand moving between his legs to brush away at the mess he made. “I’m covered.” He looked up to Sasuke, brain fuzzy. “You’re ok?” He asked. He pushed himself onto unsteady feet, toes bare and dirty as he attempted to wipe himself down.</p><p> </p><p>Sasuke pulled himself to stand and shook his head, pulling him close. He pressed his lips against his, it was a little bit bit harder than he planned to but he took Itachi's hand in his. He pressed his hand to the front of his pants, where he was hard. "I....need," he bit his lower lip. "I need you-" He breathed softly.</p><p> </p><p>Itachi was on autopilot, hazily dropping his eyes down to Sasuke’s crotch. He slid his fingers down his boxers, raking his nails through his pubic hair and took Sasuke into his hand. His movements were muted, still shaky and exhausted but Sasuke wanted this so he would have it how he liked. Sasuke wasn't certain he'd expected him to fall into this so easily. his cock was pressed into his brother's hand and he tossed his head back. "Itachi-" He mumbled softly. He kept fingers in his hair, pulling him close to kiss him again. other than coming between his brother's cheeks he'd never had anyone touch him like this. Itachi’s fingers felt fumbly as if his hands were not his own. Sasuke was reacting so Itachi kept touching him, dazed and ready to leave. He could feel the dirt on his feet and in his hair.</p><p> </p><p>It was a way to thank Sasuke for helping him. As odd as it was. He glanced at Sasuke’s reaction, careful to not grasp him too hard. His ears were still ringing and he wanted to go to sleep. After getting the mess off of himself. Sasuke was unraveling under his hand, his eyes squeezing shut. He was whimpering, shameless. His eyes closed as he grasped onto his brother. He dug his fingers into his hand, pulling him back into reality. Sasuke wanted to be present for this but it was hard, everything felt so good. He groaned, catching Itachi’s lips again.  It took little else for him to arch forward and come. his vision black in the corners, blurry. He whispered Itachi’s name like a prayer. Itachi smiled at this, careful with his touch, almost teasing. He pulled back, shaking the excess on his hands. He reached down for his clothes and cleaned himself off. “Let me know when you’re ready.” He smiled tiredly at Sasuke, pulling his hoodie back on and slipping into his shoes.</p><p> </p><p>The sun was beginning to set and Itachi didn’t want to get caught out here in the dark, with how uneven the ground was. Sasuke was tired but recovered quickly. He pulled Itachi to him and pressed their lips together, just gentle, before heading to leave. He was a bit shaky but he took the flashlight to help get them out of the station. Reeling really, from the attention his brother had given him. It was late. Sasuke thought it would be safe. They hadn’t gotten a chance to leave the house in a few days and he knew his brother needed it. Sasuke felt the same. He was eager. they’d never done it without a belt helping before but he knew his grip was getting better, stronger. He could feel Itachi’s windpipe under his fingers, in his palm. He could crush it if he wanted to. He didn't. He'd never do anything to detract from those noises, the begging. </p><p> </p><p>They walked back towards the house in silence, when Sasuke glanced over to see his brother he was disappointed to see that Itachi had so easily fallen back into his role. Closed off and quiet and walking as dignified as he could muster. Sasuke wanted to reach for his hand. Wanted to hold onto him as they walked back to the house, but he had a distinct feeling that his touch would now be rebuffed. A little voice in the back of his head asked him if this was for both their benefit or just Itachi’s?</p><p> </p><p>Sasuke was afraid to know.</p><p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Overstepped Boundaries</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>More smut. Also the first real signs on the imbalance begin to show themselves in this chapter.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was late. Sasuke thought it would be safe. They hadn’t gotten a chance to leave the house in a few days and he knew his brother needed it, wanted it. Sasuke felt the same. He was eager. They’d never done it without a belt helping before but he knew his grip was getting better, stronger. He could feel Itachi’s windpipe under his fingers, in his palm. He could crush it if he wanted to. He didn't. He'd never do anything to detract from those noises, the begging. </p><p> </p><p>Sasuke was in his own bed. It had been weeks since his brother jerked him off but it hadn’t been the last time. Sasuke was already hard when he crawled into his brother’s bed, he wanted to wake him up even though the next day was a school day. He pressed his mouth to Itachi’s, body pressing in flush. He’d vowed to never do it at home and yet his fingers were curling around Itachi’s throat. He wasn’t pushing it too far yet; He wanted him to want this too. There was no joy in it for him if he didn’t. Everything was about Itachi.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>When Itachi was a child he used to wake up to his father strangling him. It became expected. One moment peacefully sleeping and the next he couldn’t breathe. </p><p>He <em>hated</em> it.</p><p>The loss of control and safety. Now, he controlled it all. Father used to kill him but Sasuke always saved him. He never let Itachi go too far. He would never force Itachi. Not here. Not somewhere so vulnerable. It was safe here.When hands were suddenly on his throat as he slept he knew it was father. He had come back to finish what he started. Sasuke would stop this. Itachi’s eyes flew open and he struggled, attempting to cry out for his brother. Then his eyes focused and it wasn’t father strangling him as he slept. It was Sasuke above him. Itachi blinked in shock before attempting to grasp at Sasuke’s hands. This was wrong. This didn’t happen here.  Pressure rushed to Itachi’s head and he reached up, pushing at Sasuke’s face. He couldn’t speak. He couldn’t breathe.He couldn’t...Itachi’s hand fell against the mattress in a dead faint.</p><p> </p><p>Sasuke hadn't meant to knock his brother out but he was just... so excited. The taboo of doing this in the room, being able to be caught. and the look in his brother's eyes when he came to. Sasuke was worried and softened his grip easily letting his head lull back. He didn't push beyond that. He wasn't like his father. Itachi was passed out, laying down on the bed, in front of him. Perfect, beautiful. Sasuke loved to touch him, and he did, just trailing fingers over his body, dipping below the fabric of his shirt, all places he'd touched before. All still somehow new under the weight of his fingertips. Something foreboding about Itachi being out like this and his. He was touching, kissing  parts of his brother he wouldn't maybe get the chance to spend this time with conscious. </p><p>He sucked a bruise on his inner thigh, for Itachi to find later; His secret, their secret. Sasuke could bury his head between his thighs for the rest of his life, between his cheeks. He wished he could explore him all night, but he only let it trail on so long. Itachi would be up soon, Itachi would likely be mad at him. </p><p>Sasuke was hard. How else was he expected to feel with this amount of freedom to map and roam and enjoy. Itachi's mouth was so inviting, he wanted to kiss him but that mouth couldn't kiss back. Pliant and open, he pressed two fingers inside and he opened for them easily. His fingers explored just a moment before he realized he needed more.  He hovered above him, dick soaking wet, through his boxers. Itachi lay spread and needy. Sasuke was silent as the head of his cock pushed past his sleeping brother's lips, fingers tangling into his hair. He could be quiet, he knew, but his hips thrusted in, surprised at how moist his mouth still was.</p><p>
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</p><p>His head swam. Everything was fuzzy and muffled as if he was underwater. He moaned slightly, feeling like his mouth was dry full.He couldn’t breathe and he was so confused. Why couldn’t he breathe? Itachi’s eyes slide open, seeing nothing in the darkened room at first. Then his eyes adjusted to the dark. It was like being doused in ice water, he released a muffled scream, the cock stuffed down his throat suddenly causing himself to gag, fingers digging into...into Sasuke’s sides to get him away.</p><p>Sasuke was above him and it was too much. He felt dirty and he felt used and exposed. For the first time, he felt like he needed to escape his own brother. Itachi shoved Sasuke’s hands away, breathing unsteadily and coughing. “Don’t touch me!” He hissed, pulled away. He stumbled from the bed, still coughing and attempting to catch his breath. He adjusted his mused clothes, hair disheveled as he stumbled out of the bedroom and towards the bathroom, needing to put distance between himself and Sasuke.</p><p> </p><p>Not the reaction he was expecting, really. He pulled away, frowning. "Nii-san" He grabbed his shoulders, gently, to try and help level him out. "Hey...shh, it's okay, you're okay-" Sasuke of course didn't view himself as a threat. He didn't think Itachi would be this upset with him. After all, he'd done things he wanted him to do, he had touched him, it seemed like a fine trade. His dick left his mouth so he could comfort him, face scrunched up in panic. He petted his hair as he always did. "i'm right here Aniki, you're safe." Sasuke was...not expecting that reaction. His chest hurt, seeing his brother in pain like that. What had he done? really thought that Itachi wouldn't mind, even if it was a little further than they'd gone before. He bit his lower lip and watched him go. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Don't touch me...  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>He could feel it echoing in his brain, it made him hurt even worse. Itachi was upset with him. He didn't go after him, they couldn't afford to wake anyone else up and they already were being louder than necessary. He pulled his pants up, wet with precom  and he just went to sit on the edge of his own bed, heart racing. A little shaky, uncertain. It was silent in the room as he waited for his brother to return. He wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but when Itachi finally did return he would not look at him. Instead he walked towards his bed, tossing the blanket aside as he slipped in. Sasuke could only watch as he pulled the blanket up over his head, silent.</p><p> </p><p>"Aniki-" Sasuke started, and usually when Itachi stonewalled him in this way he just gave him space, but this time was different. He dropped down beside his bedside but didn't touch him. "I-what did I do?" he asked softly, "I know...you said we shouldn't do it here but I thought maybe-it would be okay. if no one knew." Sasuke wanted to touch his brother all the time, he wanted to strangle him every second he got. So he thought things were fine, though he understood they didn't need an audience. He thought he was doing fine.</p><p> </p><p>Sasuke sounded sincere and part of Itachi wanted to brush his hurt aside, to let Sasuke know he wasn’t upset. But his hurt was still there and Sasuke was still ignorant. Itachi was silent for a long moment, stubbornly staring at the wall. He wanted to ignore Sasuke. Not speak to him. He didn’t face him as he spoke.“I gave you ground rules and you disrespected them and on top of that you decided to shove your cock in my mouth while I was unconscious. Do not pretend to not know why I’m upset. Go to bed.” He muttered coldly. </p><p> </p><p>Sasuke cleared his throat, blushing a bit. His fingers outstretched to touch his brother's hair. "I didn't think you'd mind." He responded honestly, voice hesitant. "I can understand where that might sound unreasonable but I just thought...we'd be safe here, just a time or two no one has to know and I can...obviously do it with just my hand. I just got...kind of excited." He swallowed hard, feeling the tears pricking into his eyes.  "I'm sorry Aniki." his voice cracked a little bit and he dropped his hand. Really, it seemed foolish now to think maybe that had been an okay idea. Of course it was disrespectful, how could he have thought otherwise, really? <em>Stupid</em>.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s just it, Sasuke. You rarely think anything through. You just...I’m tired, Sasuke. Just go to bed.” Itachi was humiliated. He knew Sasuke was sincere but it didn’t change how dirty Itachi felt. Like some sort of dick sleeve or something. What would have happened if he hadn’t woken up? For all his brilliance, Sasuke could be so immature and ignorant.</p><p> </p><p>Sasuke nodded his head, "Okay, I'm sorry." he leaned down and kissed the side of his head before returning to bed. He would do as he instructed, and hope his brother came back to him. He knew he had messed up, and he knew he'd do whatever he could to earn his trust and affection again.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>The next day Itachi couldn’t find the motivation or desire to get up for school. His foster father had easily sent him back to bed and Itachi appreciated the reprieve, even as Sasuke had tried and failed to linger with him. Instead he was forced to follow the other kids onto the bus on his way to school. Itachi barely slept. Unease whirled in his stomach and he tossed and turned, half nauseated and half nervous.  It must have been the entire day because the next thing he knew, he was hearing the school bus squeal to a halt in front of the house. Within two minutes he heard their door open. Annoyance flared in his chest as he felt Sasuke brazenly slip into the bed with him.Usually Sasuke waited for permission, and usually he wouldn't be so bold. It seemedSasuke was kind of on a hot streak of boldness. His arms wrapped around his waist and he pulled Itachi's back against his chest. "Hey-" He said softly. "Are you feeling any better?"</p><p> </p><p> Itachi half turned, exhausted and on edge. “Stop,” he muttered. “Go to your own bed.” He pulled away from Sasuke, intent on going back to sleep.</p><p> </p><p>Sasuke shook his head, "No," He replied, and he pulled his brother back against him, frowning some. "Not until you talk to me. I don't like for us to be upset at each other." He was usually not like this, he was usually respectful, he'd wait for his brother to cool off and approach him again when he seemed warmer. This was different. "I've been worried about you." He said, pressing his face into his shoulder. His chest hurt a bit from the rejection. admittedly, by avoiding this confrontation he had a lot less chances of being rejected. Hearing him say those words certainly stung a bit.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re being so rude. I don’t wish to talk right now.” Itachi was surprised by Sasuke’s defiance but masked it with his own annoyance. He pulled away from Sasuke. “I’m not in the mood to cater to your worries. I want to go to sleep.” Sasuke was pushing and Itachi didn’t like it. Didn’t like the expectation that he would simply listen to Sasuke.</p><p> </p><p>Sasuke bit his lip, and it didn't take him long to jump back into submission. He let his hands fall from him. "I'm not asking you to cater to my worries." He cleared his throat, "I'm just sorry about last night I thought you would...like it. I realize that's stupid now." Maybe his best option would have been talking over physical contact and he still wasn't moving off Itachi's bed. He was not trying to make him uncomfortable but he was unwavering.</p><p> </p><p>Sasuke sounded truly sincere. Itachi would not face him but he did relax slightly. He stared resolutely at the wall.“You could have at least woken me first.” Itachi muttered, tired about the whole situation and stung over it as well.” I thought you were father.”</p><p> </p><p>Sasuke frowned, and he touched his hair, gently. "I..." He sighed, "I'm so sorry Itachi I didn't know-" He had his own room when they lived apart. He had never seen the beginning of his and fathers time,  just when they moved to the basement. If he ever saw them in Itachi's room he saw it later on, when he was stirred awake. He hugged him against him, letting out a sigh. "I'm so sorry." He said again.</p><p> </p><p> “It’s...” It wasn’t fine and Itachi couldn’t pretend it was. But it was a step. “Thank you.” He murmured, exhausted. He didn’t face Sasuke, still needing time to process but feeling a little better that Sasuke’s intentions weren’t what their father’s had been. Sasuke wasn’t their father but sometimes Itachi could see the similarities between them.  “I do need to get some sleep. We’ll talk after, okay?” Itachi prompted, reaching over his shoulder to gently pat Sasuke’s hand.</p><p> </p><p>"Can I stay here with you?" He asked softly, arm wrapping around his waist, rubbing his stomach gently, soothing. There was no press for anything beyond that. Itachi deserved to be treated better than Sasuke was treating him, admittedly. He'd try to be much more respectful to him. "I love you Nii-san," He mumbled, against his shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>“You can stay.” Itachi whispered, finally relaxing back against Sasuke. It was a weight off his chest. He didn’t like being upset with his brother.“I love you too...” He assured him, closing his eyes. Sasuke was a good person despite his impatience and temper. There was nothing cruel or malicious about him and Itachi appreciated him for it. Sasuke pressed his face into his hair, relieved when he finally relaxed against him. He didn't know what he'd do if Itachi had not forgiven him. He relaxed against him, pulling the blanket up over him as well. Of course Itachi loved him too, it was so easy for him to forget. </p><p> </p><hr/><p>
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</p><p>The finalization for Sakura’s adoption was complete and suddenly, there was one less kid in the house. Konohamaru had always been attached to Sakura and Itachi when he needed something while the foster parents were out. With Sakura gone it now fell to Itachi to pick up her half as well. Konohamaru was young and clingy and Itachi couldn’t help but relish in being able to take care of him how he used to with Sasuke. This left little time to do much else but Itachi found as long as he remained busy, he wasn’t as desperate for anything else. It allowed him to focus on something else. However, it seemed to not go away completely as Itachi would have wished. It seemed Sasuke was less pleased with the development. Naruto was useless at everything except getting on Sasuke's nerves. He felt like he was going to explode. No venturing too far from the house. What if something happened where Konohamaru needed Itachi? </p><p> </p><p>Sasuke was certainly stressed about not having that outlet. He needed his brother. He needed to pin him down and strangle him, he needed him to touch him. Sasuke was brazen about jerking off in bed next to him, almost louder because he wanted Itachi to crawl into his bed with him, help him out.  Tonight was no different, he had his hand around his cock, eyes half lidded. He didn't know if his brother was asleep or not. but they were alone. He had hoped he'd come around to his idea of strangling him in the house. What were their other options? he didn't even know. "Itachi-" he mumbled, and it was accidental, really, it slipped.</p><p> </p><p>Itachi lifted his head from his pillow, bleary eyed as he tried to see in the dark. He sat up, blankets pulled up to his shoulders. He could hear something from Sasuke’s bed. “Sasuke?” He whispered, squinting. He stood up, placing the blanket down as he felt his way across the room. He could hear his brother and it took him a moment to realize what he was doing. Itachi sighed, running a hand through his hair. He reached Sasuke’s bed and lifted his hand to touch Sasuke’s hair, running his fingers through it. “What do you need me to do, Sasuke?” Itachi whispered, fingers stroking over Sasuke’s jaw. He waited for Sasuke to give him an answer, patient with his brother as always.</p><p> </p><p>Sasuke wasn't expecting him to react the way he did. He wasn't expecting him to come right to him, over his bed. He pressed his face into his hand, arching up into his own hand. He couldn't help but whimper, looking up at Itachi. "Need you..." It was different, really, than the typical need. It wasn't a matter of needing his brother to touch him as much as it was needing to hurt him, to feel his throat beneath his hand, he leaned up, eyes on him. "Please-" It had been so long since he'd had him. since he'd touched him. the moment Itachi was at his bedside he completely dropped contact with himself, it would be worth it to wait. to come after he got to touch him. After he got him to come.</p><p> </p><p>This was foolish and dangerous. Itachi should have stayed in his bed. He should go back to his bed. This could not be happening in this house.“You know we shouldn’t do this here.” Itachi argued weakly, trying to offer some comfort to his brother. “Maybe tomorrow will be better.” He moved to pull off the bed and return to his own, only for Sasuke to reach for his arm.</p><p> </p><p>"They're not home-" His voice sounded so self assured at that moment. He stood and walked around Itachi to lock the door. Itachi absently wondered why their foster parents had even allowed locks in their home. " Sasuke turned back to Itachi. He walked forward and pushed him back on the mattress, leaning down to press his lips to his. It was hard, hungry, he pressed his tongue into his mouth. He didn't squeeze his throat, didn't touch his throat without his permission. "I know you miss me too..." He mumbled against his mouth, nipping, pressing his hard cock to his crotch.</p><p> </p><p>Itachi’s eyes fell shut, almost immediately submitting to his brother. He kissed him back, uncertain and reluctant at first but unable to help himself. Sasuke’s kisses were like a drug and Itachi was addicted. He pulled Sasuke flush against him and kissed his shoulders and neck. “What if they come back?” He argued even as he pushed his boxers down below his hips.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s just us-“ he whispered and he ran his hand up his chest, close to his throat. “Please...”He was  practically shaking with anticipation. Sasuke wasn’t sure how he had waited so long, how he was waiting now? He rolled his hips against his again. He was desperate for him, desperate to touch him and hold him.</p><p> </p><p>Itachi nodded faintly, eyes shut and head tipping back against the pillow. “Okay...okay we can.” He replied.They were alone. The door was locked and Itachi needed it as much as Sasuke. It would be easier once Itachi graduated and turned 18. He could get a job and an apartment. They just needed to wait until around September for Itachi to find a place.</p><p> </p><p>Sasuke looked over his face, biting his lower lip and his fingers wrapped around his throat, tight. It was easy for him now, to find his rhythm, massaging into the soft flesh around his windpipe. Pressing in roughly to the skin. He was silent, digits pressing in harder and eyes looking his face over. "So beautiful-" He mumbled, and he leaned forward and pressed his lips to his again as he began to push the life out of him. cutting his air off. "So perfect like this-"</p><p> </p><p>Itachi arched against Sasuke’s grip, body lax as he fought for breath. He couldn’t speak or do anything but just take it. Sasuke’s hands were perfect against his throat and Itachi revelled in the panic and pleasure of it. He closed his eyes, gripping at Sasuke’s wrists to keep himself steady.</p><p> </p><p>"Aniki-" Sasuke mumbled softly, and he was close to blacking him out. but not enough, not quite. He knew what he was doing. His lips pressed to his, hard, hungry. He wanted to feel his breath laboring, as he always tended to do. Sasuke was shaking but still practiced, stroking him a bit faster. "Come for me...."</p><p> </p><p>Itachi’s breath was weak and labored, barely escaping from the tightness against his throat. He whined, eyes fluttering as Sasuke touched him. This was heaven. It had to be. Or as close to heaven as Itachi would ever get. “S....sas...” was all he could manage before he was arching into Sasuke’s hand and coming with a muffled cry, coating his chest and Sasuke’s hand.</p><p> </p><p>Sasuke let out a soft noise as he let his brother’s throat go, his own cock grinding into his thigh as he came, peppering kisses over his face. “ I love you-“ His hand not covered in come came up to pet his hair from his face. Sasuke had needed this so much. Had needed him. “So much-“ he repeated shakily.</p><p> </p><p>“Love you...too”  Itachi turned into Sasuke’s arms, forgoing pulling up his boxers in favor of slipping his leg between Sasuke’s. “Tomorrow they will be out of town to meet the new girl coming to the home. Naruto and Konohamaru are in talks with someone. It will be just you and me.”</p><p> </p><p>Sasuke nodded his head, "I wish you could...adopt me when you turn 18." He admitted, pressing his face into his neck, but he was going to be relieved for it to just be them for a while. They could do this every night, they could do this all the time. Sasuke pressed his face into his brother's neck and breathed him in. His everything. </p><p> </p><p>Itachi stroked a lazy hand down Sasuke’s chest to move through his pubic hair. “Things will be different when I turn 18. But I have a plan. We just need to wait it out a bit longer. He moved to straddle Sasuke’s lap. “I looked up some things.” He noted. “I think you might be interested in.” He had looked into things that boys tended to, learning about sex.</p><p> </p><p>Sasuke tilted his head to the side, arching up against his hand, when he was touching his public hair. He hadn't been anticipating this, for his brother to do more. He wanted to know more about his plan, but he was really distracted now. "What-uh, what have you been looking up?" He asked softly, and his hands were sliding up his thighs, looking his brother over as much as he could in the dark. He felt his heart racing.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s a book.” Itachi whispered, sheepishly embarrassed. “It’s about...it’s about the sex and all that and I was thinking once we are in our own place I would like to shown you?” He pet Sasuke’s hair back from his face. “Only if you wish to of course.” He was quick to assure his brother, not wanting to force him.</p><p> </p><p>Sasuke bit his lip, "Oh-" He whispered, and his face was hot and his dick was hard again, of course it was. talking like that. "Itachi of course- I...yeah." He pulled him down to kiss him, and it was hard and kind of hungry. He pressed his hips up against him, nipping his lips. "I want to...be inside of you, so bad-" He admitted, tugging at his hair.</p><p> </p><p>Itachi’s brows furrowed at this. “Insi...oh.” He ground back against Sasuke’s dick, reaching so that it was snug between his cheeks. “What are your...what do you want, Sasuke?” He asked curiously. “If we had nothing stopping us what is the first thing you would want?”</p><p> </p><p>"You...suspended above me, hand on your throat, fucking up into you." He let out a soft sigh at the thought, pressing up between his cheeks and letting out a soft noise, it was a shaky noise. Desperate. "You riding me..." He was desperate for any semblance of that. He pressed up a little bit again, letting out a shaky breath.</p><p> </p><p>Itachi hadn’t gotten that far in his reading but it sounded plausible enough. “I read that watching pornographic material can help with urges as well as teaching how to pleasure someone.” He stated matter of factly. He moved against Sasuke’s dick, eyes fixed on Sasuke. “It can teach you what works and what doesn’t.”</p><p> </p><p>"It's plausible..." He assured him, pressing up against his ass, licking his lips. "You're thinking so much about this." He pulled him down to kiss him, hard. "Just...think about what you want?" he asked, "What do you want me to do to you." The feeling of his cock between his cheeks. He shifted down some so he was pushing right against the entrance, almost teasing. So slick that he continued between, missing his hole to go between his cheeks again.</p><p> </p><p>Itachi shivered at both the sensation against his entrance and Sasuke’s question. “I...I don’t know.” He answered truthfully. “The book says that there are various possible positions for ultimate pleasure.” He rambled. It was all books and words to him. He knew how to kiss and that was about it. He was going in blind to sex in a way he wasn’t used to.</p><p> </p><p>"How does this feel?" He asked, nipping his lips. He pressed the head of his cock to his entrance again, let just the head slip in before he groaned and pulled it out. Sasuke was curious, but slipped in easily. Like Itachi's body wanted him and he of course wanted him, so bad.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s...different.” Itachi admitted, eyes closed and following after Sasuke’s dick as if to take him back in. “I don’t know if I am prepared for that.” He wanted to be. Something about feeling Sasuke pushing inside him had him feeling hotter than when Sasuke strangled him.</p><p> </p><p>Sasuke nodded his head, and he pushed him over, onto the bed. "There is just...so much I want to do to you." His eyes looked a little wild, and he was slipping down, down down, past his cock, tonguing between his cheeks. He had been thinking about this as much as anything lately. Sasuke hadn't even seen a lot of porn or anything, he just thought a lot about his brother's naked body. what he wanted to do to it. Especially after he was able to touch him that way. Look at his body the way he wanted to. It was all he could think about. He buried his face between his cheeks, tonguing into him.</p><p> </p><p>Itachi hadn’t read about this. He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do. “What are y...oh...” He jerked at first in surprise, prepared to reprimand Sasuke but instead he lay there in surprise. It felt...good. He lay back, pulling his knees up so it was easier for Sasuke. He grasped at the blankets, a pitiful whimper escaping his throat. His head fell back against the pillow, hand pressed against his mouth as he practically sobbed. “Saa...Sasuke...Sasu...” He could barely form a coherent word. It was a foreign feeling but it was amazing. Like nothing Itachi had felt before. His toes curled and he released a high while, knees pressing back against his chest.</p><p> </p><p>Sasuke was glad he was so receptive, so compliant. Under his tongue, he tasted so good. Better than he could ever imagine even if some of it was his own taste mingled in with him.  He pressed his tongue into him as deep as he could. So much of his sexual desires just came from pleasing his brother. Just from getting to open him up, wide and willing. He gripped his thighs hard enough to bruise, eating him out almost hungrily, not even bothering being gentle about it. Yet when Itachi's voice raised, he stilled, listening. Sasuke’s hand went up to press over his brother's mouth, and he pulled up from his ass to speak. "if you're too loud we're going to get caught-" He was bound to wake someone up whining like that. He grabbed a pillow for his brother to moan into before getting back to work, holding him in place and pressing his tongue deep into him, again, but this time pressing two fingers in alongside his tongue, to stretch him out, to feel him. This was something he had read about, there was a spot inside Itachi that was supposed to make him go wild.</p><p> </p><p>Itachi appreciated the pillow, smashing it against his face as he trembled against Sasuke’s mouth. Then there were fingers inside of him and Itachi all but screamed into the pillow, hips twitching up.“Please...please Sasuke...” his voice was muffled and weak, strained against the feeling of Sasuke’s tongue and fingers.</p><p> </p><p>"Please what?" What was he begging for? What did he want? He was searching still, fingers stroking in and out of him, shifting, searching. He paused when he pressed against the soft bundle of nerves, prodding fingertips into his prostate. Sasuke carefully watched his brother's reaction. He hadn't read like Itachi but he had dreamt of him making these sounds for him for years now. As long as he'd been interested in kissing him which had been...since he was much younger. Squirming beneath him, maybe not moaning into a pillow but this was fine for now. They'd be alone soon.</p><p> </p><p>Itachi tensed up, one leg extending with a snap as Sasuke’s fingers brushed over his prostate. He couldn’t get another word out, breathless and bucking his hips. His back arched and he clung to the sheets, fingers straining white as he silently gasped, unsteady and on edge.</p><p> </p><p>Oh. <em> Perfect </em>. He kept fingers pressed in against him, grinding his own hips to the bed. and he wrapped his hand around his cock. He knew it would take nothing once he did that, he knew his way around his cock at this point. He experimentally ran his tongue along the underside, stroking again and continuing to move his fingers against him, pacing picking up a little.</p><p> </p><p>Itachi buried his face in the pillow, practically sobbing at the pleasure. He was so hypersensitive and felt as if he was on fire.“Oto...” He whispered in a breathy voice, still not daring to pull his hands from his face. Where had Sasuke learned this? It was too much. It was too much and Itachi knew he was close. He dug his fingers against his face. He couldn’t breathe or think straight. Sasuke’s tongue was moving up his cock and his fingers were digging into his prostate. It was too much. Itachi’s hips bucked and he finally came, sobbing into his palms.</p><p> </p><p>Sasuke thought about fucking him, if he'd get to fuck him. Eventually he would and the idea made him shiver. He dug fingers against his prostate and licked up his cock again. He could stay here taking care of Itachi all night, withering beneath him; Begging for him, wanting more. He stroked him with the same pressure he would with his hand on his throat. It wasn't the same but he knew he was still enjoying it. Sasuke let out a soft noise as he came and he leaned up, licking some of his come. testing it for the first time. Sasuke groaned, and he sucked the same spot on the inside of his thigh that he had when he had passed out before. his spot. Itachi was his and he moved up his body to press their mouths together. He was hard, again. “Touch me.”Itachi immediately did as he was told, reaching down to stroke Sasuke’s length, face pressing against his shoulder. He fumbled at first but managed to get a good grip, stroking his thumb over Sasuke’s slit as he pumped him. Sasuke groaned and he couldn’t help but thrust. He kissed his lips, hungrily. “So good...” he breathed out, arching. He was already so hard, soaking wet. hearing his reaction was definitely plenty for him. He could have come from that alone. He arched into his hand and bit his own lower lip. “Aniki...”</p><p> </p><p>Itachi carefully listened to Sasuke’s reaction, gaining confidence at Sasuke’s words. He kissed Sasuke back, hand working at him.“When it’s just us we can do this whenever you want.” He whispered against Sasuke’s lips. “You can have me anywhere and anyway you like."</p><p> </p><p>Sasuke felt the tingle down his spine with his words. He arched into his hand and groaned as he came between them. for the second time tonight “I’ll want you every single day.” like this, multiple times a time. Over and over again. Have his brother completely at his disposal.</p><p> </p><p>Itachi hummed, leaning down to kiss Sasuke. “I’ll be yours.” He whispered the promise against his lips.</p><p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. The Tub</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>More smut and then some drama. Just for a treat. Thanks for all the comments and support so far!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next few days after graduation Itachi spent his time going over different apartment options. His foster mother was very helpful with looking over places out in the local towns. Close enough to Sasuke and the downtown area. One evening when fosters left for the evening and Naruto and Konohamaru were out with their respective potential families and there were no other kids currently in the house it was just Itachi and Sasuke. Itachi ordered take out for both of them and sat on the kitchen counter, looking over some ads with a cup of tea at his side. His eyes kept drifting to the apartments on the main streets. He liked the old brick buildings and large windows.The apartments were so expensive but there were jobs available. Itachi could wait a year to go to college. He had many offers, a full offer that he was tempted to take but he couldn’t leave Sasuke behind. He turned the page, grimacing at the prices and instead turned to look at the job listing. He glanced up at the clock, foot tapping.</p><p> </p><p>Home alone. When did they ever get time like this? They'd spent more time together since Sasuke put his tongue inside of him than he remembered ever spending with his brother. Itachi heard Sasuke approach and he set the paper aside, legs immediately spreading as Sasuke slipped between them, arms moving to wrap around his shoulders. “Otouto.” He greeted, leaning forward to pepper the side of his face and neck with kisses. Sasuke’s jaw was just beginning to sharpen out of his childhood baby fat, he had always been more angular in the jaw, almost gracefully perfect.  “It’s just us this weekend.” He hummed, stroking Sasuke’s hair back from his face. “Would you like to look at apartments with me?” Sasuke's hands were running up his thighs, almost soothingly. </p><p> </p><p>Sasuke tilted his head back, eyes closed and he kept a hand on his thigh but the other tangled into his hair. He let out a breathy sigh.  "Just us..." He murmured, pressing a kiss against Itachi's jaw. He sounded pleased. "Like physically go see them or help you find some other potential ones?" Father hadn't left them completely empty handed. Even from prison, he was attempting to "make amends". Both brothers had money in separate accounts for when the time came when they needed it. Mother had also left them a good amount.</p><p> </p><p> “I can’t afford much but I’m very interested in this little one bedroom 30 miles from here. It’s a little further but it’s right off the main road near a bookstore. It’s small but nice.”  He ran his hands up Sasuke’s shirt, over his belly button and fingers just barely brushing over the edge of his pants. “The store is hiring.” He explained, fingers moving down further into Sasuke’s pants, merely to brush over his pubic hair. “It will be enough to keep me afloat and for you to visit on weekends and holidays.”  Until Sasuke graduated, Itachi would follow wherever Sasuke wished to lead him.</p><p> </p><p>Sasuke frowned at this, "Thirty miles?" He repeated, looking troubled. He pulled Itachi down closer, his fingers curling from his hair to his throat, but it was gentle, just teasing, using it as a way to guide his mouth. Itachi wondered if the distance was disappointing to him. Was it too much?  Sasuke nibbled his lower lip. He arched up some, and it was almost pitiful, how desperate he could be. Itachi knew he had Sasuke wrapped around his little finger. "We can- go look wherever you want, Aniki." He didn't sound too disappointed all of a sudden.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s far enough where no one will know us.” Itachi explained between kisses. “Where we don’t have to worry about a classmate seeing us or rumors to start.” Not that they would be doing anything in public but it was safe. “There is also an apartment just minutes from your school. It is a little cheaper and you could always walk to it after class, but it also is a bit close to the fosters for comfort.” He wrapped his legs around Sasuke’s hips to pull him closer.  </p><p> </p><p>Sasuke nodded. "How far is that on the train, hour?" He asked, hands moving to sneak up Itachi's shirt and touch his back. "Are you sure it's a safe town?" Sasuke had always been protective of Itachi. As kids, Itachi could remember Sasuke sticking close to him when Mother brought them to the park or on playdates. He was never willing to share his brother.</p><p> </p><p>“About 40 minutes.” Itachi confirmed. “But it has three scheduled stops so you can come or go when you prefer.” He nipped at Sasuke’s jaw. “It's a cute little place. Private.” He lifted Sasuke’s hands to hold them against his throat. “Perfect for this.” He whispered.  “But I still need to look into it. If you wish, I will take the other apartment for now. We will just have to be careful.”</p><p> </p><p>Sasuke shivered, tightening his grip on his throat. He pulled Itachi to him, kissing him hard. "That sounds nice," He admitted, finally sounding on board with it. Itachi couldn't help but be relieved.  It would be nice to have everything all in one place. It would be nice to be able to have a place to call their own. No Father. No foster parents or foster siblings, just them. "We'll go look at it tomorrow, huh?" Sasuke was holding his throat tighter than he really should have, if they weren't planning on getting carried away, but he couldn't help it.Sasuke’s enthusiasm was obvious and it had Itachi shivering at the thought. He could keep Sasuke on board.  Itachi nodded and there was a knock at the door.</p><p> </p><p>“That must be the food. I have cash on the counter. Go get the food, I have something planned for us after we eat.” He used the half inch he had on Sasuke to his advantage and poked his forehead, hopping off the counter, and walking around him. He heard Sasuke snort in response, muttering something under his breath. </p><p> </p><p>Sasuke did as his brother told him, kissing him hard before he moved. Itachi cleaned off the table, setting down napkins. Sasuke soon came back, carrying the brown delivery bag "This was really nice of you-" He said. It felt nice, Itachi thought. Almost like a glimpse into what life would be like soon enough.  "I love you." Sasuke set the bag down and pulled him close by the belt loops and kissed him again.  It was endearing seeing his brother so openly vulnerable with him. Itachi had been certain Father had snuffed it out.</p><p> </p><p>Itachi kissed him back. “I love you too.” He replied, pulling away. "Now sit down." He took the food out of the bags, setting the containers on the counters. He didn't want to dirty any dishes so he used paper plates, tossing the plastic forks and spoons in favor of the chopsticks. He put the food onto plates, setting Sasuke’s down in front of him and handing him his chopsticks. He would have to find an excuse to send Sasuke out for ten or so minutes so Itachi could get everything ready.  He sat down next to Sasuke and appreciatively ate some of his curried vegetables. He could feel Sasuke's eyes on him.</p><p> </p><p> "I'm so...<em>happy</em>." Sasuke admitted, taking a bite of his chicken and chewing it for a moment. He looked happier than Itachi remembered seeing him. As if a great weight had been lifted off his shoulders.  "We'll be able to have weekends like this hopefully, even with you working-I could always sit at the bookstore and do my homework or something... when you move are you going to tell people I’m your brother or-" He cleared his throat, looking at him curiously.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m happy as well.” Itachi smiled at him. He could picture living like this forever. Just the two of them. “You will be my brother while we are there.” Itachi confirmed. “Then once you graduate whichever college you attend I will follow you wherever you lead.” He finished a noodle.</p><p> </p><p>Sasuke nodded his head. He bit his lower lip, "Together" He stated, and it seemed like a pipe dream now, but he knew they didn't have too much longer right? until they had a place together. He would go anywhere with Itachi.  He picked at his food, continuing until he was finished. He watched as Itachi finished his noodles. "What uh, is the plan?" He asked curiously, head tilting. It was a sweet expression. Making Sasuke suddenly look his age.</p><p> </p><p>Itachi avoided the question, instead getting to his feet and rummaging through the cabinet. “I forgot to mention earlier that we’re out of paper towels and were asked to pick some up.” He explained as he began to put the food away. “There’s 10 dollars on the counter if you could go grab the paper towels and maybe some toothpaste? Konohomaru wasted most of it when he put it in Naruto’s shoes.” He offered Sasuke a small, guilty smile.</p><p> </p><p>Sasuke frowned, obviously surprised but stood. "Of course." he knew something was up or he wouldn't have tried to separate them. He put his left overs in the fridge and paused, standing over his brother and pulling his chin up to face him.  "Love you so much, more than anything in the whole world." He mumbled, leaning down to press his lips to his. Sasuke really loved the freedom of being able to do this anytime he wanted to.</p><p> </p><p>Itachi returned the kiss gently, stroking Sasuke’s jaw before stepping back. “I love you too.” He assured him, linking their fingers for a moment. “Go on, I’ll finish cleaning.” He folded the paper up and set it aside, grabbing a rag off the sink to clean the counters down. Sasuke went without complaint, taking his old jacket off the hook and slipping into it, money in his pocket.</p><p> </p><p>As soon as Sasuke was out the door Itachi had flown to the bathroom and drew a bath, putting bubbles in and setting tea lights on the sink and brushed his teeth. He didn’t have a sexy robe like in the movies or anything sexy so he went through his and Sasuke’s clothes, settling on one of Sasuke’s oversized button up shirts. He slipped it on with nothing else and fixed his hair into what the magazines call a sexy mess. Then he nervously sat on Sasuke’s bed, legs crossed, waiting for Sasuke. He fiddled with a loose string on the shirt, twirling it between his fingers, tapping his foot distractedly. Was this too much? Itachi didn't know anything about being sexy or seductive. A girl in his study hall had lent him a magazine one afternoon and he had looked over the articles from girls talking about 'spicing things up' in the bedroom. Itachi wasn't a woman, but he still took the advice to heart. Finally, he heard Sasuke’s voice as he returned, calling out for him in confusion.</p><p> </p><p> He brushed his hair back. “I’m here, Sasuke.” He called out, staying where he was as Sasuke footsteps approached. </p><p> </p><p>"Oh-" </p><p> </p><p>“Is it too much?” Itachi asked, watching Sasuke carefully. “I wasn’t sure if it was too much at once, I wanted to surprise you with something different but if it’s too much I can change.”  Itachi was probably babbling. Was Sasuke not saying much to be polite? He should not have stolen his shirt.</p><p>
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</p><p>Sasuke stared. He sucked on his bottom lip and moved closer, fingers sliding over his chest that was exposed. "You look...wow." He smoothed his hair down a little bit because that part he didn't really know the point of. He leaned in and kissed him gently and when he pulled away he finally saw the bath.  "Ahh-" He said softly, "Are we going to, both of us?" He suddenly looked very alert, staring at Itachi with an odd intensity. </p><p> </p><p>Itachi nodded. “I thought it would be...a nice...I don't know...first step into something more.” He showed Sasuke the bubble. “It’s lavender vanilla for relaxation.”  He stood, pulling Sasuke up and locked the bathroom door, turning back to Sasuke and easing him out of his shirt. They had never done anything quite this intimate and Itachi felt like his whole body was on fire. Sure, Sasuke had eaten him out, but this felt...<em>more</em> in a way. He dropped his shirt, his own fingers deft on the buttons of his shirt hanging off his brother. He leaned in and pressed kisses along his collar.  He was certainly a bit nervous, he'd never done this of course and it was nice. It was warm and comfortable and he was pressing his face into his neck still, nipping the skin. Sasuke seemed to come back to himself and was soon helping Itachi out of his own clothes. Itachi allowed the shirt to drop to the floor and took Sasuke’s hand, leading him to the bath. The tub was filled with hot bubbly water and Itachi quickly tested it with his fingers.</p><p> </p><p>“Go on. Get in.” Itachi ushered as he tugged Sasuke’s pants down and placed a kiss against his hip. He was excited and hoped that this wasn’t pushing Sasuke away in any way. Sasuke bit his lower lip, a habit he hadn't managed to break after all these years. Father had always yelled at him for it. Itachi found in endearing. Sasuke stepped into the water and sunk in, seeming to melt into the bubbles. He reached out to Itachi and made hands for him, to want him to join him, smiling up at Itachi. </p><p> </p><p>Itachi followed after his brother, sinking in after Sasuke and moving between his legs. “Is it hot enough?” He asked, blowing a bubble at his brother. He took the bar of soap off the rim of the tub and dunked it in the water before running it down Sasuke’s shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>Sasuke nodded, "Perfect." He smiled as Itachi began to wash him, practically melting. He leaned in, lips dragging gently against his, touching his soapy chest. "So nice." He sighed softly, pressing a face into his neck and pulling Itachi into his lap. "This is nice, can we do this a lot when you have your place?"</p><p> </p><p>Itachi nodded, kissing Sasuke’s jaw as he washed his other shoulder. “If you would like.” He replied, straddling Sasuke as best he could in the tub. He stroked Sasuke’s hair back from his face. “Once you graduate high school we’ll find a good college for you to attend. I’ll make sure we are close to each other.”</p><p> </p><p> Sasuke shook his head, "What about your college?" He asked, closing his eyes as he touched his hair lightly before moving his hands to grip Itachi's hips, keeping him in place. He leaned back some and pulled Itachi with him, just resting, dragging their lips together. Itachi felt one of his hands move to grasp at his ass cheek, playfully swatting out. The sound of wet flesh hitting wet flesh seemed oddly loud and Itachi fought down a laugh.</p><p> </p><p>Itachi nibbled Sasuke’s jaw. “I’ll attend the same one.” He replied. “Anywhere you go, Sasuke.” He assured him. He kissed him gently, reaching down under the water. His fingers trailed over Sasuke’s stomach before taking his shaft in a gentle grip. “Just you and me.” He whispered, kissing his brother’s damp shoulder. Sasuke tipped his head back, eyes falling shut as he released a low moan.</p><p> </p><p>He drug a hand through Itachi's hair, biting his lip.  "You'd get in anywhere, you're so smart. They'd be lucky to have you." His grip in Itachi's hair tightened and Itachi's breath hitched at the sensation, almost fumbling with his grip. He licked his lips, thumb moving to stroke over Sasuke's tip.</p><p> </p><p> “As long as we’re together. You’re going to go so far and I want to be there for it.” He flicked some bubbles in Sasuke’s face. This was sweet and peaceful. Just the two of them. As it should be. “Here, let me wash your back.” Itachi offered, taking the bar soap in hand and ushering Sasuke to turn around. Sasuke let out a soft sigh and turned away from him, as instructed, but not before lopping a handful of bubbles towards Itachi. Itachi huffed in amusement, pouring water through Sasuke’s hair. “I actually wanted to ask you something.” He began, washing Sasuke’s back and kissing his shoulder. He poured water down Sasuke’s back, gentle with his touches, legs curled around Sasuke’s sides. Sasuke leaned into him, reaching for Itachi's ankle and gently stroking his thumb down the delicate bone.</p><p> </p><p>  "What is it?" </p><p> </p><p>“I had planned on waiting until after I had an apartment but I find myself unable to do so.” Itachi muttered softly. He stroked Sasuke’s back.  “You don’t have to say yes. This all depends on your comfort and willingness but...would you wish to sleep with me? I mean...sex...with me.” Itachi nervously played with Sasuke’s hair. He felt Sasuke go tense against him and Itachi fought not to backtrack, realizing he likely crossed a line.</p><p> </p><p> "I...yeah. Of course, Itachi." Sasuke finally said, and gripped Itachi's ankle as if to keep him there. Itachi waited, holding his breath. "There is nothing iI would rather do than....fuck you. I've wanted to for so long..." he wasn't facing Itachi, but there was sincerity in his words. Itachi pet Sasuke’s shoulders, fingers stroking through his wet hair, he was now uncertain on what to do next. He hadn’t really anticipated anything past this. Sasuke’s  words had really seemed to cement it all. He quietly continued rubbing Sasuke’s back for a long moment. Sasuke turned around and watched his brother for a moment and Itachi offered him an uncertain smile."You uh...want me to do it here or-" Sasuke fumbled over his words, reaching out to lightly touch Itachi's cheek. </p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know.” Itachi whispered. “I haven’t done it anywhere.” He watched his brother, brows furrowed. “I didn’t think much beyond asking.” He admitted. He kissed Sasuke gently, stroking his jaw and offering him a shy smile. “I’m afraid I don’t have much experience.”</p><p> </p><p>Sasuke nodded his head, pulling his brother into his lap a bit and watching him with that intense stare again. "We'll figure it out." He assured him and pressed their mouths together. Itachi took Sasuke’s face between his hands as he kissed back, straddling his lap. The water lapped around them but Itachi paid it no mind, focused on his brother.  They were both going in blind but would figure it out together as they had with everything else in life. He kissed Sasuke’s shoulder, hands stroking down his sides, reverently. Sasuke let out a soft noise and pressed up against him. His hand came into play, wrapping around the base of his throat, not gripping hard at this point. He seemed just to hold him.</p><p> </p><p>Itachi tilted his head, shoulders relaxing and neck extending for Sasuke’s hand. He reached backwards for Sasuke’s cock, fingers fumbling until he found it and pushed his ass back against it. “In here Sasuke, or in the bedroom?” He whispered between kisses, Sasuke’s hand on his throat feeling utterly perfect.</p><p> </p><p> "We can...here..." He assured, holding his throat some as he began pressing his hips up against his ass.  He arched up towards his entrance, just pressing in. He looked up to Itachi who nodded his consent. It seemed to be all Sasuke needed. He just tried to even out his breathing, holding Itachi's throat as he began to force his way inside of him.</p><p> </p><p>Itachi closed his eyes, breath hitching as Sasuke suddenly began to push inside him. A slight whine escaped his lips, more painful than anything. He grasped at Sasuke’s shoulders, attempting to control his breathing. “Ahh...” a gasp escaped his lips.</p><p> </p><p>Sasuke's breath was labored, he held his brother's throat and continued to press up into him, going very slowly.  "Breathe easy, relax..." Sasuke instructed. He sounded strained. Itachi pressed his forehead against Sasuke’s shoulder, attempting to relax. Sasuke was large and Itachi hadn’t anticipated the pain but he could endure. He reached to grasp at the side of Sasuke’s arms, nails digging into his flesh. He appreciated how slow Sasuke was going for him. Sasuke let out a soft noise, whimpering. He gripped his hip with his spare hand, easily pushing upwards and then he was completely pushed inside, to the hilt. "Shit... just tell me when...you want me to move-" He said softly. He let his head to the side, kissing him hard.</p><p> </p><p>Itachi slowly relaxed around Sasuke, kissing him back languidly.  “It’s ok, you can move.” He said after a moment, fingers curled in his hair. It was an odd feeling, no longer hurting much but not all that comfortable. It did, however, feel nice to finally have Sasuke inside him.</p><p> </p><p>Sasuke did as instructed, gripping at Itachi's hips to keep him in place. He began to thrust slowly, careful not to slosh water everywhere. The feeling was...<em>euphoric</em>. Sasuke kept Itachi firmly in his lap, one hand to his throat as he found a clumsy but comfortable rhythm. Perhaps a bath wasn't the best place for sex, but it would mean an easy clean up. </p><p> </p><p>"Aniki-" Sasuke breathed, shakily. It should have concerned Itachi more how open Sasuke was to using Aniki while they were having sex. It seemed to be another habit he couldn't let go of.</p><p> </p><p>The water sloshed around them and Itachi moved his arms moving to Sasuke’s shoulders. “Sasuke...” He hummed, clinging to him. Something inside him was brushed and he jolted, eyes closing in bliss. Sasuke groaned thrusting into him, and it was getting more rhythmic. He grasped at his throat a little bit tighter and rolling his hips as if testing to see Itachi's reaction.</p><p> </p><p>He pressed his lips into his and continued his thrusting, whimpering into his mouth. "You feels so good-" He breathed out, "Fuck-"</p><p> </p><p>Itachi moaned against Sasuke’s shoulder. He kissed him back, breath hitching. “Sasuke.” He whispered softly. Sasuke was pounding constantly against his spot and he knew he wasn’t going to last. His leg twitched and he almost lost his grip on the younger boy. Sasuke seemed to be spurred on by his voice, movements almost frantic.He was getting close and it was evident by how uneven his thrusts were getting. He took Itachi's length into hand, attempting to jerk him off as he fucked him. A noble effort, but a bit much for Itachi's taste.</p><p> </p><p>"Aniki-" He breathed out, only for his voice to be choked off a moment later as he came, he bent forward, face pressed against Itachi's damp shoulder as his hips jerked. Itachi's breath was coming out in frantic pants, broken and shaky as he attempted to keep up. Sasuke's fingers worked over his tip, attempting to get him off. He was whispering something against Itachi's shoulder, spurring him on.  Itachi soon followed coating Sasuke's hand.</p><p> </p><p>“Sasuke.” He managed to gasp out, nails digging into his brother’s skin.  “Sas...I...” He fell back into the tub, water sloshing and his hair in a complete disarray, feeling suddenly heavy and sated and completely sore. He could feel Sasuke's shallow breaths against him, his hands shaking as he groped to keep Itachi pressed against him. Itachi relaxed against Sasuke, a small pleased sigh escaping him. He wrapped his arms around the younger boy, kissing the side of his neck with sleepy devotion. The water had long turned tepid and gross, the bubbles now gone. He didn’t bother moving, too bone tired to even attempt it. </p><p> </p><p>“We have to clean up.” He mused after a moment and Sasuke laughed, a little breathlessly. Sasuke pressed his face into his neck and nodded. He used the water to try and clean himself, running fingers over himself and grabbing more soap to get rid of Itachi's come from his chest and stomach. He ran the bar between Itachi's cheeks, and pressed in two fingers, in hopes he could help coax his own seed out. It wasn't like he hadn't been working fingers into him lately, wanting to feel. He kissed his cheek and pulled the tub drain. Itachi winced as Sasuke’s fingers breached him.  He leaned against him, breathless. The water drained around them and he brushed some soap from Sasuke’s jaw. “Was it good?” He asked softly. He wanted to be sure Sasuke had enjoyed it as well. He was sore and stiff but felt better than he had in weeks.</p><p> </p><p>Sasuke smiled, kissing him. "I've never felt like that before," He admitted, looking over his brother's face, stroking his jaw. "It was...the best feeling I've ever felt." Itachi understood. The connection, the feeling of being complete. One unit. He and Sasuke. Sasuke pulled away and grabbed towels for them both, biting his lower lip and suddenly looking uncertain. "Can we just...lay in bed?" It was still early, but Sasuke looked ready to lay down and fall asleep. Itachi nodded tiredly, slowly slipping from the tub and taking the offered towel. He wrapped it around himself, reaching for his brother.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, let’s go to bed.” He agreed in exhaustion. He put the candles out and swipes them up, glancing around the bathroom before walking out the door, linking his fingers with Sasuke’s. Just a few more weeks, Itachi assured himself when they finally settled themselves into bed. Just a few more weeks and they wouldn't have to worry anymore.</p><p>
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</p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>Itachi really should have known they were getting carried away,  too comfortable. Sometimes he'd be laying in bed with Sasuke and things would be innocent and the next thing he'd know someone's hand was gripping the other through their underwear. It was hard to not get wound up. It was hard to not escalate things. Going from kissing to Sasuke choking Itachi into sliding his cock into him. Once they'd gotten started it was so hard to stop.  They were mutually obsessed, more than Itachi had anticipated. It was not surprising that they got comfortable. They were not usually allowed to lock the door, but it wasn't like Sasuke didn't usually do it anyway. No one had ever bothered them and it seemed more often than not he wasn't thinking about doing it before bed and then it escalated and neither were really thinking about it. Tonight was no different.  Sasuke's hand was making a slow drag up the inside of his Itachi's thigh, he was laying behind him, but running hands over his body as he always did. Itachi could feel how hard he was against his back. Itachi fought to keep his voice low. </p><p> </p><p>Itachi had grown complacent, and within that complacency he had also gotten careless. His eyes too focused on the here and now and his mind too occupied with his plans. That apartment. Three weeks. That was all he needed. He knew they weren’t alone and had feebly mentioned so even as he spread his thighs for Sasuke’s fingers. “We shouldn’t with them home...” He had vaguely whispered, too distracted by those fingers. They were both still dressed, but Itachi doubted it would last long. His eyes were half closed, body relaxed as he allowed Sasuke to explore, inclining his neck in an open invitation. The door was always unlocked and with two new kids in the house the foster parents were more vigilant with them, good caring parents for all the children they cared for. It was only three more weeks. They only had to wait a little bit longer.</p><p> </p><p>Itachi smiled, head tilted up to catch Sasuke’s lips in a gentle kiss. “You have to sleep in your bed tonight.” He urged him. He knew Sasuke would be reluctant. He just needed to be patient a little longer. Sasuke was always eager though, three weeks was soon. Three weeks and they could do this every weekend, all over the apartment, in private. They had found the one, the one Itachi had wanted. One with the beams in the ceiling.  Perfect for suspending in the living room, they'd have to get a longer rope. One like dad used to use, but that was fine, they would make it.  Sasuke was still so handsy, curled in behind his brother, pressing his hips into his ass from behind. </p><p> </p><p>"Yeah, yeah I'll go back over in a few," Sasuke's voice was barely above a whisper as he made himself comfortable in Itachi's bed. Itachi scooted over, head on his pillow as Sasuke's hand moved to grasp at his throat. He closed his eyes and tilted his head back, a smile curving his lips. He pressed Sasuke’s fingers harder against the base of his throat. He noticed the light was still on and he dimly thought they should turn it off.</p><p> </p><p>“I bought a rug for the apartment. The one you liked with the black trim.” He murmured instead. “The lights too. They match.” Everything was finally coming together. He had a deposit down on an apartment, he had graduated. Things were finally looking up.  He wasn’t sure if he had planned to say anything else because the moment his lips had moved again the door opened.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay guys, lights out-“ Itachi was suddenly cold. The hand on his throat suddenly burning and the weight against his back suddenly became heavy.  Their foster father’s shocked eyes stared into his own.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. A New Home</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You know those movies, where when something terrible happens it all seems to slow down. Everything suddenly goes still and there's that moment of complete slow motion, where everything around you was suddenly no longer so fast? Yeah, that was all bullshit. It all was a blur for Sasuke.He shot back, scrambling off of Itachi.</p><p>There wasn't even a moment for him to be thankful that they hadn't been caught in <em>another</em> position. He could see the look on his foster fathers face, and the panic in him was rising.   "What are you two doing!?" Sasuke had never heard his voice sound like that before, angry. So <em>angry</em>. What were they doing- what were they <em>doing</em>? He was standing by the edge of Itachi's bed now and he couldn't even remember standing up. He was so light headed, he hadn't moved that fast in his entire life. </p><p> </p><p>"It wasn't...what it-" He couldn't even form coherent thought, how was he supposed to speak? His foster father was swooping in quickly, grabbing Sasuke's arm so hard he wondered if it would break. He felt like he was about to shatter, he hadn't thought...hadn't considered the possibility of them being caught. How were they going to talk their way out of this? What were they going to do?</p><p> </p><p>"You weren't <em>what</em>? You weren't just choking him?" Sasuke could feel the tears prick in his eyes, stunned silent. It was like that night again. With father and the police and Itachi lying so still and silent. He didn't know what to do, what to say. I tachi shot up out of the bed, hair a mess. Their foster father shuffled in order to block them from each other. To <em>shield</em> Itachi from Sasuke. Sasuke couldn't think. It had been his hands around Itachi's throat. They would think Itachi a deranged victim of his brother as he was with his father. They would separate them and Sasuke would be <em>alone</em>.</p><p> </p><p>“I made him do it.” Itachi spoke up, staring at his foster father, voice oddly calm for the situation they were in. “I made him.”The man looked incredulous and suddenly their foster mother was in the room too, her eyes glassy and looking so confused at the sight. Her hair was mused from sleep and she looked exhausted. Sasuke almost felt bad for waking her.</p><p> </p><p>"What is going on?" She looked at the three of them in concern, arms crossed over her chest as if to fight off the chill in the air. It must have looked strange walking in on them like this, Itachi and Sasuke both looked panicked and it seemed like immediately she knew what was going on, or some semblance of it. </p><p> </p><p>"I just walked in on Sasuke...in bed with Itachi, strangling him- Itachi said that he ask-asked-" Their foster father sputtered, looking lost as he stared at the two siblings. He looked like he wan't sure what he was supposed to do. Itachi was so calm and it only served to make Sasuke more anxious. Was he trying to take the blame and protect him? Sasuke didn't need him to do that! Sasuke could take care of this. They could figure out something. Make a run for it. Never look back.</p><p> </p><p>"He <em>didn't</em>!" Sasuke almost shouted, "I...I wanted to..." He felt the tears welling up in his eyes and he wanted to grab for his brother, touch him, hold him, be held. They were too far apart, and the mother's face said it all. Horrified. Horrified like the police when they found their father and Itachi passed out, Sasuke sitting by, watching. They thought Itachi was dead, but father had already brought him back. Sasuke had hovered over his brother then, rubbing his chest in hopes he wasn't in too much pain. There was no helping him now. It was all going off the rails.</p><p> </p><p>Itachi did not look at Sasuke, his eyes remained fixed on his foster parents. “I’ve been using Sasuke this entire time to strangle me.” There was no emotion in his voice or face. A blank slate. Something Sasuke vaguely remembered their mother doing. He turned to Sasuke. “I forced him to strangle me and do as I pleased. All I had to do was be sweet and he fell over himself, as always.” Sasuke felt as if all the air had been sucked out of his lungs. His vision seemed to dim for a moment. Was he about to pass out? He felt like he was going to pass out.</p><p> </p><p>“Itachi...” Their foster mother whispered in open horror, eyes trailing down Sasuke as the puzzle came together. Her face paled and her hand lifted to cover her mouth, eyes shining in distress. </p><p> </p><p>Itachi's voice trailed off for a moment before it returned, confident despite how rough it was from the strangulation.  “I couldn’t do it properly on my own and Sasuke was always too clingy and needy...too desperate to please.” It was like poison.</p><p> </p><p>Sasuke felt his heart sink, as Itachi looked at him. The tears burning his eyes now, "No I-I wanted..." Was what he saying true? He used him? They had had so many plans, so many plans to spend the rest of their lives together. Had itachi only said that because he wanted to use him in this way? Sasuke was shattered, he was sobbing even. He dropped to his knees, shaking his head. "No - I thought..." He was choking though, over his sobs, his tears. So this was it? Itachi didn't love him and Sasuke had been making a fool out of himself for months? He meant nothing? <em>They</em> meant nothing?</p><p> </p><p>Their foster father was grabbing Itachi's arm. It wasn't gentle, not by any means. "You...you've got to go-" Itachi did not look at Sasuke. Did not offer any words of comfort as he silently was led from their room. Their foster mother did not move, frozen in place as she watched the boy she had truly come to care for be dragged away. Sasuke was gone, mentally, he wasn't comprehending what was happening, that Itachi was leaving. That he was being taken anywhere. He was a mess on the floor, a sobbing, shaking mess. There was suddenly voices. The other kids coming to investigate and the mother was quick to order them back to bed. To not snoop around, shooing them down the hall and leaving Sasuke kneeling on the floor, his head pressed against the cold wooden ground. He could hear their foster father on the phone, calling someone...the police.</p><p> </p><p>"We really ought to wait until morning." Their foster mother's voice was muffled and quiet as she attempted to keep her voice down. "We can talk about this in the morning after some rest."  She sounded upset, confused by what was happening. Sasuke wished he could care more, straining to hear.</p><p> </p><p>“No. I'm not waiting." Her husband snapped and there was a pause as he waited on the phone. "Yes....17 years old...medication...chronic lung infection...yes...he has an inhaler...no I’m not sure. He’ll be here. I’ll be waiting with him.” Sasuke couldn't bring himself to stand. To rush into the hall after his brother and pull him away. He couldn't move. Everything suddenly felt wrong. His hands were tingling, the room was spinning and he was alone.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> Despite what Itachi said, the foster parents didn't seem to truly believe it. They thought he was lying to protect his brother. Sasuke could tell just by looking at them. It didn't matter. He was never going to see them again, or Itachi. Nine days after that night, Sasuke was suddenly a brother short in a new home. They didn't want Sasuke anymore. He was too polluted now.  Everything was strange. It was like Sasuke was in a fog all of the time. He started at his new school, he didn't talk to anyone. He had his new family, he didn't talk to anyone. This Orochimaru took in kids close to the age of freedom so they could have a home until they were old enough to live alone. Kids too old to be adopted or wanted by families. The broken kids. No one wanted a broken kid. It was a large, old house, with lots of creaking floorboards and beautiful details. It was set far off the road and felt almost spooky to him, when he arrived. he was comfortable now, He felt like he was living in the home of Norman Bates or something. He wondered briefly if the doctor that owned and ran this place and his partner were murderers. Probably. It would be Sasuke's luck.</p><p> </p><p>He liked mostly that he had his own space and a lock on his door. There weren't younger kids so he wasn't expected to take care of anyone but himself. Everyone at school seemed to leave everyone from that home alone. Sasuke preferred it this way. He hadn't said goodbye to his old family. His former foster mother barely seemed able to meet his eyes and the foster father refused to even be in the same room as him in those final days. The other kids didn't know the full details and hadn't dared ask. This new house might be creepy, but it was a change that Sasuke truly needed. He missed Itachi every second. He hurt so bad every time he thought about what he had said. What their relationship had meant to him. Nothing? He used him. Sasuke felt broken, he didn't really see a point in much of any of it. Mother was dead. Father was locked away and Itachi had vanished into the night without looking back. </p><p> </p><p>It was a Saturday, Sasuke had gotten into the habit of finishing his schoolwork early so that he had his weekends free. Sometimes he spent time alone exploring the woods much as Itachi had done at their old home, but today he was just thinking about his next steps. He was ready to go. He didn't want to be here anymore. He had taken over Itachi's hobby for himself. It never felt as genuine, but for a moment he had a semblance of control.  The depression had obviously hit him as soon as the words left Itachi's lips and it hit him in harder waves when he was left too long to think about. His writing had gotten dark, angry. His feelings were hurt, of course they were. Itachi had been his whole life, they were supposed to spend their entire life together. Instead Itachi had tossed him aside, confessing to having used him. He wasn't sure what he was feeling towards his brother. He had never been angry at him before and he wasn't sure if that was what he was feeling now.</p><p> </p><p>He was alone and he'd gotten a pretty good set up going with his headboard and a rope he'd bought from the store. The same kind of rope dad used to use. Smooth to the touch almost, soft nylon. He'd tie the rope to the headboard and then put the noose over his neck. He would toss himself off the edge of the bed. It didn't get him off the way it did Itachi but he also pushed himself much further. He'd push himself until he'd almost black out and then he had the noose tied in a way it was one tug and it fell from him, the air would come rushing back to him.  Today he didn't tie it that way. Today, he was fine if he blacked out, hopefully he'd die. He'd been testing the weight the ceiling fan could take, if he tied it to the base. He thought it could hold him, he'd decided, and so he was fastening from there. He was ready to die. He was ready to not have to worry about Itachi ever again. The movement was familiar though he usually wasn't standing. Loop the noose around his throat, check to make sure the grip was sturdy. He was standing on the edge of his bed. The world felt so small and insignificant from here, only a few feet off the ground.</p><p> </p><p>It was time.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The boy was fascinating. This had been Orochimaru's initial thought upon hearing about the boy scheduled to come to him. Originally a package deal with a brother but scandal had separated them. Orochimaru was fine with this. One broken boy was more than enough. He wanted this boy.Kabuto had been the one to pick him up from his foster family and had noted the thick tension in the house. It was good to take Sasuke away from them. They were far too soft. Sasuke would flourish with his new family, away from the scandal and drama of the last. Orochimaru already had three other teenagers under his roof. A tall, temperamental young man named Juugo who had been kicked out of his last house for fighting, a mouthy and emotionally unstable young woman named Karin who had taken to biting her own flesh when upset and an abrasive boy named Suigetsu who saw no logic or importance in anything other than his own amusement.</p><p> </p><p>The children all had their own rooms and were given a wide berth of independence and expectations. Orochimaru did not need to coddle his charges. They were almost adults in any case. Give them respect as young adults and they would more likely return it. Still, Sasuke remained an enigma and Orochimaru had always enjoyed unraveling such mysteries. He knew about the rope. The strangulation. He knew that Sasuke had been deeply traumatized by his brother's actions in their final moments. He wore his wounds terribly.The boy wasn't as sneaky as he must have thought he was. For all his pride, he was nothing more than a wounded beast licking its' wounds. </p><p> </p><p>Such a waste...</p><p> </p><p>To be so destroyed by the words of one child. Sasuke had worshipped his brother and was now abandoned. It was pathetic and Sasuke could offer so much more than simply wasting away. It would do him no good to remain in such a state. He allowed him time to adjust, hoping it would help him but instead Sasuke was sinking deeper and faster. Orochimaru would not have it.The day finally came where it appeared Sasuke would push himself to oblivion and Orochimaru had to finally step in. He had stood by idly watching for too long. The game now had to change. Orochimaru wasn't a wasteful man and Sasuke could not be allowed to waste his life and future after a single heartbreak. </p><p> </p><p>"I do hope you are not attempting to kill yourself." Was all he said as he opened the door to see Sasuke standing with a rope around his neck. "I would despise having to explain to the authorities why there was a dead boy in my house." He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the doorframe. Sasuke jumped so abruptly he really almost fell off the bed. What was Orochimaru doing here? How had he known what he was going to do? Sasuke's mouth was a tight line and he flushed, embarrassed. It was like getting caught with your pants down except in this case Sasuke was content just dying. </p><p> </p><p>"Just testing it." Sasuke said, after a moment, and he was half tempted to really be dramatic and try it anyway with him standing right there but he didn't. He removed the noose from his neck and hopped off the edge of the bed. The rope swung just above hie head, expectant, waiting. He swallowed hard and looked at Orochimaru. He'd given him a few weeks to settle in. The others seemed to have things directed to do of them but Sasuke so far was left to his own devices. It seemed that wasn't going to do, considering how he was spending his free time. "What does it matter, if I die anyway?"</p><p> </p><p>Orochimaru clicked his tongue ,eyes narrowed on the boy. “Do not take me for a fool. You would throw your life away so easily?” He chided, ripping the noose down. The boy was so blasé about it all. It would do him no good to continue on such a pathetic path. He tossed the rope aside and regarded the boy with a critical eye.“You are far too young and smart to be behaving in such a manner. Death is the end. An easy solution. Tell me...why do you wish to end your life?” He asked, arms crossing over his chest. It was lazy. A cheap way out of a momentary setback. Sasuke was smarter than this. He had to be. Otherwise Orochimaru had taken him in for nothing.</p><p> </p><p>Sasuke figured this was more than he had talked to anyone since he'd gotten here. He didn't even want to argue with Orochimaru, and he didn't want to admit weakness, but it was evident he was weak, he wouldn't be trying to kill himself if he wasn't. He was quiet, clearing his throat, and he looked up from the ground after a moment, meeting Orochimaru's eyes. "My purpose is gone." Simple, honest. He'd lived and breathed for his brother, that was all that had mattered. That sweet feeling of holding his life in his hands, pleasuring him, having him unravel before him, beneath him, above him. It was gone. "There is no point to this." His eyes drifted away again and it didn't matter how smart you were, if you were alone.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Purpose</em>.” Orochimaru sneered. “How perfectly pathetic. You think you have no purpose? That your life is forfeit because your brother never wanted you?” He shook his head, knowing he had to end this pathetic display. A bit of harsh reality and perspective was needed.  “Your saintly brother used you for his own purposes and cut you when it was no longer convenient to keep you. Whatever promises he made were lies to ensure you did as he wished. You believe he is out there somewhere mourning you? He’s moved on, Sasuke. He’s in college he’s in his pretty little apartment and he’s likely got some new fool with a hand around his throat and cock up his ass. He doesn’t <em>care</em> about you. You were a means to and end. Even you should understand you deserve better.” Orochimaru scolded.</p><p> </p><p>Sasuke laughed, and it was loud and bitter, "Stop acting like you know everything!" He snapped, and he wanted to hit Orochimaru, but he could feel the tears welling up already, his throat getting scratchy. "You think I don't fucking know that- you think I <em>don't</em>..." He shook his head, wildly. "You have no idea what it's like to lose someone you love, clearly-"   Sasuke was angry that Orochimaru was trying to rile him. As if the things he was saying weren't always in his head wasn't always playing on repeat. Itachi in a better life, Itachi with someone else, <em>Itachi</em>...He cleared his throat, trying to bite the tears back. "My purpose was a lie-" He spat.</p><p> </p><p>Orochimaru snatched Sasuke’s hand. “Exactly.” He hissed, yanking the boy. “You were used and tossed aside and rather than wallowing in it, use that pain. Learn from it.” He shoved Sasuke back, half pleased with his anger. “This is a leaning opportunity for you. You can either sink or swim and we both know you are not the type to sink.” He indicated to the door. “I can walk out now. Allow you to finish what you started or you can follow me and prove to yourself that you are far greater than a simple tool for your brother to use. It’s your choice. All you have to do is ask.” He stepped back and without another word, walked out of Sasuke’s room, quietly closing the door behind him.</p><p> </p><p>A purpose.</p><p> </p><p>That's what Sasuke said he wanted right? A reason for being? What did Orochimaru want with him? He decided it was best to not kill himself, he supposed that option wasn't going anywhere. He supposed if Orochimaru thought he had an idea to help he could see. Why was he so drawn to it? Was it because of how cold and mean the man had been? Sasuke didn't know what part resonated with him. He followed after him, leaving his rope behind. Silent and staying a couple of feet behind him, he didn't want to admit his curiosity but it was obviously evident since he was there. More than a tool for his brother to use, Itachi had used him. Orochimaru was right. How did he know? How did he knew that he fucked him, how did he know how deeply he had cared; Beyond conventional connection.</p><p> </p><p>Orochimaru smirked as he heard Sasuke follow him. He silently led him down the hall until they reached the stairs. “I take in the children that otherwise would be turned away. I show them that their worth is not based on others but on themselves. When Juugo is upset, he uses the punching bag in the garage. Kabuto brought bagged grain to allow Karin to hit with a bat with a bat and pretends it’s her mother and Suigetsu runs until he can’t walk anymore. Find a way to vent your anger. Nothing will be considered taboo unless it’s you attempting to harm yourself like Karin used to or harming others. You will not hurt yourself for the pain others have caused you.” Perhaps allowing Karin to visualize her abusive mother while wielding a bat would be considered unorthodox, it helped her. She would return to the house lighter and better than before.</p><p> </p><p>Sasuke looked at him thoughtfully as they walked and bit his lower lip. “What do I...do?” all Sasuke ever did was write, follow around Itachi, and strangle and fuck him. He wasn’t particularly active. He wasn’t one to destroy things. He didn’t feel like expelling anger on anyone but himself. He watched Orochimaru still. Obviously, everyone here was fucked up. It wasn’t that surprising to him they had a lot of anger, but Sasuke just didn’t know how to change it.</p><p> </p><p>“You’ll find something to occupy yourself. A hobby of sorts. My expectation is that you will not destroy yourself in the process. If there is anything you feel will help you cope, I will do what is in my power to provide it.” He turned to face the boy. “You should not hate yourself over this. You are far too smart for such self flagellation.” He inclined his head towards the door at the far end of the hall. “My office is down there if you ever feel the need to vent or if you find something that interests you.” He looked so calm and put together and it instantly had Sasuke on edge.</p><p> </p><p>"A <em>hobby</em>? You think all of this is going to get solved if I get a hobby?” He looked a little irritated at that but who wouldn’t be? It wasn’t like his feelings for Itachi or his time with Itachi had just been a hobby. “How is that going to fill the void of being in love with someone-“ His tone had lessened in anger a little bit but he was still mad. He maybe shouldn’t have followed Orochimaru if they was the advice he thought would do. Orochimaru fixed him with a long appraising look.</p><p> </p><p>“Karin used to bite her flesh out. Now she is in a better headspace. It doesn’t seem like a likely process but it works. You will find something else in life.” Orochimaru replied calmly. “Life is too fleeting to allow yourself to wallow for the unworthy.” Orochimaru walked down towards his office. “One day you shall find your brother is nothing but a task you had to overcome.” He turned at the door to observe Sasuke. "You've spent years as nothing more than a tool to your family. I think it's high time that you live for yourself." With that he strode into his office and closed the door, leaving Sasuke to stare after him.</p><p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Closed Doors</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>I flip flop way too much. This storyline will be cut in half at some point.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It smelled like the hospital in here. Sort of like the one Itachi had woken up in after father had been taken away. That sterile almost jarring scent that felt far too artificial for comfort. The lights were the same too, overstimulating and bright. It hurt his eyes but he didn’t complain; he needed to be here. </span>
  <span>They brought Itachi in and he barely spoke. Didn’t complain or cause a commotion. They drugged him up anyway. He was under 18 and it was decided he was too mentally ill to be placed in a new home. Prison was not the place for him. He was far too delicate. He barely have a reaction as the police had taken him to the station for the night. They must have been expecting someone hulking and monstrous and Itachi was poorly underwhelming. He hadn't said goodbye to Sasuke. His foster mother seemed torn, itching to reach for him but her husband keeping a firm hand on her elbow kept her at his side. Itachi wished he could have thanked them. They had been good to him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Instead of prison he was taken to a mental hospital on the other side of the country. Itachi missed the East coast. He could still remember the family home in Vermont before mother died. Before father's heart died with her. He had loved the hills and watching the leaves turn colors during autumn. He even missed the snow. All of their foster homes had been in New England, with the final one being in Massachusetts. They hadn't wanted him to remain close to Sasuke. They sent him as far away as possible. Oregon was a lovely place, but hard to appreciate behind closed doors. Normally he would have been placed with the pediatric unit, but it was close enough to his birthday...they must have decided not to bother.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was dressed standard as the other occupants and the shirt and pants hung on him.  He needed to be here. </span>
  <span>The round of doctors read his case file and asked if his brother had forced him. Itachi couldn’t remember. The drugs made his mind fuzzy. He had stared at them with eyes far too dilated. He was kept in a separate room in the early days as is custom while they were processing him. This hospital had separate rooms for every two patients. Little brass beds with a single window, 2 nightstand and a chair. It was almost cute in a quaint sort of way. Tricking people into feeling welcome while bars lined the windows. A prison was still a prison even with a pretty bow. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They forced Itachi to attend group therapy after his first week. The doctor leading the group tried to get him to open up but silence had always come easily to him. The other patients sat in the group circle, some shared, others didn’t and Itachi never spoke. </span>
  <span>He sat in the chair, hands resting on his lap and eyes averted as the physiatrist spoke in a gentle, hushed tone. His hands were bruised he noticed in a daze, wondering how they had gotten like that. One of the patients was crying, loudly wailing and the noise seemed to echo. Another was silent and glaring and another was staring at the ceiling. Very few seemed comfortable. How could anyone feel comfortable in here? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Would you like to introduce yourself?" The kindly nurse had asked, leaning forward in the small, uncomfortable chair to peek at Itachi who focused instead on twirling the ends of his hair, avoiding eye contact. After a moment the nurse had moved onto the next person in the circle. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The hospital reminded Itachi of all those horror movies he had seen as a kid. A large, looming and beautiful brick and stone building that seemed more of a death promise than safety. Inside everything was bleak and clean. Too clean in Itachi’s opinion.  When the group ended he had stood, still sluggish but gaining more feeling back in his body. He couldn’t wait until the drugs were completely out of his system. He hated how cloudy it made his brain.  He timidly walked out into the hall, hands still tucked as if afraid to touch anything. It was free time and Itachi wanted nothing more than to hide out in his room but didn’t want to risk seeing his roommate and disturbing them. He had managed to avoid getting in their way so far, but it was only a matter of time. Everyone else seemed to find something to occupy themselves. He walked out towards the recreation area and peered out the window at the rolling hills and forest beyond the metal fence. There were mountains out there and a whole world to be explored. Itachi hoped he would one day see it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Finally, Itachi decided to go to his room and hide away for a bit. There was thankfully no one there and Itachi took the unoccupied bed that had been assigned to them. They could have very little in terms of souvenirs in their rooms, most of Itachi’s stuff that had been brought to the station was under lock and key, not that Itachi had much.  </span>
  <span>He did however, have his sketchbook. The authorities had already looked it over. Itachi had never drawn anything lewd or dark. He much rather drew landscapes and wildlife and a few of his brother along with the rest of his former foster family. </span>
  <span>He sat on his bed and placed the sketchbook on the nightstand, careful to straighten it. The room was small but not as scary as Itachi had thought it would be. The window allowed a small barred view of the world outside. Itachi could find something to sketch.</span>
</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kakashi Hatake had been in for a long time now, his fourteenth year now. He knew the ropes. Knew what was going on with most of the patients at any given time. When they had therapy, who with and in most cases what for. He’d been here the second longest, next only to a man name Hidan, some guy who would undoubtedly be here for life- delusional from growing up in a cult that believed in ritualistic human sacrifices. He’d been here for almost twenty. </span>
  <span>Kakashi was to get out soon, so soon they were allowing him the privilege of leaving several days a week, in a month he’d be able to get a job. Easy, stress free things to help him assimilate. Kakashi could have gotten out years ago had he been comfortable. After what had happened the last time he was released he thought it best to be sooner, rather than later. His family had left him plenty of money to pay for his stay. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had taken such an interest in people as they got here, typically when a new patient checked in, he ignored them. Let them get a little more comfortable before reaching out. With the new boy, it was particularly strange. Beautiful, in a sad sort of way. He was definitely a handful of years younger than Kakashi. Broken. He could tell immediately He was broken. They had him on the same cocktail they had everyone coming in on, no doubt. Before they got to know you well enough to even out the dosage. People started off a zombie, he wasn’t even surprised when Itachi sit silent in his first group session. He looked too soft to be in a place like this, but Kakashi knew looks could be deceiving. His own former roommate had easily proven that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kakashi spoke that day, about how he had been feeling going out in the world. What things had begun to feel like, how strange it was to go out for the first time not feel people staring at you. His medication was right, he was feeling better. Not homicidal, that’s what they called it when someone had the urge to kill. Kakashi didn’t think that was him, He’d never meant to kill anyone, but they said he had; he’d blacked out and his parents were dead. No one knows what happened, not even him. He was imbalanced, but he didn’t feel that way now, he went in the world and he still wasn’t thinking about hurting anyone. He was the example of what a patient could and should be. Going from a danger to himself and others, to someone trustworthy and reliable. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At the end of the group session he lingered, not really to talk to anyone. He was simply avoiding having to return to his room. His favorite nurse, Ino, had told him that he’d be getting a new roommate tonight. His other roommate, Deidara had been transferred this morning, he was going to prison. They had to keep rooms consolidated. The waif like new boy was supposed to be who would be roomed with him. Kakashi looked at him across the room again as people began to file out, it didn’t do much good to linger if the person he was avoiding was behind as well. </span>
  <span>Itachi left and that was good. Kakashi's side of the room had a little more character, a couple of things hanging on the wall. Art from some of the students he helped tutor. Most of it was online but it was still something he did. They were allowed to scan in and send him things so they were print out of pictures on his wall. He had a few books on his nightstand. He had been there for so long of course he had nested a bit. He'd asked about having a plant and was denied but was allowed to plant a rose bush outside his window. It was nice, it was his. All he had. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He stayed out for a lot of the rec time and when he came in he didn't even say anything to his new roommate. He introduced himself in group, he'd even made eye contact specifically with the kid when he spoke it, so he knew. That was all he had for him. </span>
  <span>He went right in and laid on his bed, his eyes on Itachi for all of one second before he grabbed one of his books. He figured Itachi didn't want to talk in group, why would he wanted to talk here? He had barely even looked up during the entire session. His nightstand drawer head only his notebook and a pen, he liked to read and write, draw sometimes. Probably the best thing he could be doing now but he wanted to be in his space for a bit. See how the younger man acted.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Itachi was drawing something, and Kakashi was vaguely curious, but he always played things the same way. It was much harder when they were in the same room with you. He figured most of the people that ended up in the room with him had already been here a while and needed to get moved for one reason or another. Kakashi took in a lot of roommates that had issues with the people that they lived with previous, he was reasonable and most of the people in there respected him.  He watched him a bit from the corner of his eye and turned the page. He was almost relieved when Itachi hadn't opted to engage with him. It was easier to be indifferent when the person wasn't making the effort either. He wondered what Itachi thought of him, not speaking like that. Was it the same thing he thought about himself?  He turned another page before he released he wasn't even reading. in fact, he had the back entirely upside down. Luckily, there was no slip cover so it wasn't too obvious but Kakashi almost laughed at himself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kakashi could feel him look over at him a few times. It was good, he figured, that they were both a little curious. Would Itachi eventually talk to him? Probably. He'd have to right? People here tended to like him well enough, even patients who were mean or maybe didn't talk much seemed to fall into him easily, but he did seem like an almost normal person. As normal as a person here could be.He was able to start reading a little easier, and the books were from the local library. He had been allowed to bring them in. He had loaned people books here and there as well, only those he thought would be kind to them. Ones he could trust wouldn't damage them. He flipped another page, rolling onto his side where his book was angled to cover him. Though it was still outstretched in his direction. So Kakashi could look at him a little around it, studying him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The poor kid was blushing, or his neck was at least. Kakashi was looking at him now. He didn't want to take this kind of interest in him, and he didn't want Itachi to think he was. Maybe he was just nervous. He rolled back onto his back, stretching his legs out in front of him. Itachi made him glad he had access to leave. </span>
  <span>It was also good because he had a tendency to ignore for a bit and then get wrapped up for a bit and then ditch them with any new pretty boys that joined them and if he could manage to not do that with a roommate, he figured that would be for the best. Very few people here had gotten past him being slightly wrapped up in. It was always so short lived and went straight to forgetting about him. There were still a couple of other patients here he'd slept with but what was he expected to do, really? He was a man in his prime and it wasn't like he would be having much opportunity elsewhere. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Itachi did not look up as he heard someone enter the room. He had his sketchbook in his lap and he was doodling the small corner chair. From the corner if his eye he saw his roommate lay down on his bed. </span>
  <span>It was the man from the circle. Itachi vaguely remembered him speaking in group. Kakashi...that was what he said his name was. He was handsome in a way. Tall with wild silver hair and intense dark eyes. He would he interesting to draw someday. </span>
  <span>He did not speak to the man just as he hadn’t in the group session. A nurse walked by and quickly peaked in before leaving as quickly as she had arrived. Itachi added texture to the chair, using the side of his finger to rub over the sketch and create a shadow. It was difficult to draw with a gold pencil, but it was all he was allowed to use. There was no eraser and the tip was dulled and barely functional. </span>
  <span> He wondered if they would give him his books back. They were old antique books, probably too delicate for casual reading. Father knew Itachi loved old books and had gifted them to him on his final birthday before the strangulation started. Perhaps it was an apology for what was to come. </span>
  <span>Itachi hoped to see them again. It was all he had from his old life. He wondered what the pages looked like.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He could not help but glance at the man once or twice. He was silently reading and Itachi wondered what sort of books he liked. Itachi had always liked the flowery sort. Thomas Wyatt’s poetry or some old romance. Something with a happy ending, he was always a sucker for happy endings. </span>
  <span>He drew a chicken sitting on the chair, finding it too far bleak without something to cheer up its page. He carefully drew in the beady eyes. His throat itched and he ignored it. The chicken was soon surrounded by five chicks, all fuzzy and tiny. </span>
  <span>He wondered what the man was in for. He seemed so calm compared to the others and Itachi hoped it wasn’t a front. He was glad he hadn’t been roomed with the man Hidan who had screamed in delight or rage upon seeing Itachi. He vaguely wondered how Sasuke was doing before banishing the thought from his mind.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The man was peeking at him. Itachi couldn’t help but begin to doodle him. His book covering most of his face and just those eyes peering over. Was he even reading? Itachi felt his neck grow hot and he refused to look at the odd, handsome man. </span>
  <span>He drew him, paying close attention to his eyes and hair which seemed to go in every direction. His fingers were curled over his mystery book, he looked pensive. Handsome. </span>
  <span>He wasn’t going to speak. Far too afraid to say something foolish. He kept his head lowered, eyes focused on the page. </span>
  <span>The man lay back and Itachi continues with his shading, remembering those dark eyes. There was a scar over one eye, Itachi recalled from the group session but he hadn’t gotten a good look and would not dare look now. He would wait to finish that at another time perhaps. </span>
  <span>He drew the separate pages from the book and added in any detail he could recall with his foggy brain. Sasuke had always been a good model for Itachi before they left father. It never felt quite right after. The evening dinner bell went off, startling Itachi who dropped his pencil. The man peered up from the book, his dark eyes almost amused as they studied Itachi.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Jumpy little thing, aren't you?" He hummed, flipping a page before folding the corner it to save his place and setting it down. Itachi didn't answer, watching as Kakashi stood and stretched his arms over his head, a patch of skin peaking from below his navel. "Well, c'mon. I'll show you where to grab your food from." Kakashi offered in a bored tone, seemingly unconcerned if Itachi would follow him or not. Itachi set his sketchbook aside and stood, quietly following Kakashi out the door.</span>
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<a name="section0009"><h2>9. A New Hobby</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Orochimaru suggests Sasuke find ways to cope</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Gain a hobby. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As if something as simple as that would be able to undo all the damage in Sasuke’s life. He didn’t appreciate the advice and was having problems concentrating when he wasn't strangling himself. It was unfortunate, it seemed for a couple of days his commitment to school relaxed. His grades had begun to decline, much to Orochimaru's displeasure. Find a hobby, he had said. Sasuke thought it was a waste of time. Another idiot well meaning foster parent who had no clue what Sasuke actually wanted and needed. He hadn't taken Orochimaru seriously and maybe that was what made his idea end up working, the insanity of it. He <em>had</em> a hobby, but strangling your brother wasn't exactly a healthy coping skill as Sasuke had quickly learned.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was almost an accident that Sasuke had found an interest in archery. He had been in the toolshed helping Juugo look for gardening gloves when he had come across an old metal bow. It was settled in the back of the shed, four arrows set on the dusty countertop next to it. The arrows were worn and damaged, unusable but he hadn't been able to help but mention them to Orochimaru over dinner that evening. Orochimaru had stopped eating for a moment, seeming to mull over Sasuke's casually spoken words. Sasuke hadn't thought much of it.  He had nearly forgotten the conversation, and then he came home to a new bow in his room, on his bed. There was no note, but he knew exactly who had placed it there. This wasn't something he would have ever thought of himself and here he was in the backyard. The pack that was on his bed had a board to hang on a tree. He spent most of that afternoon learning how to shoot an arrow. How to hold a bow. It felt liberating. There was something almost primal in releasing the string and watching the arrow strike a target, closer and closer to the intended area.</span>
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</p><p>
  <span>It escalated from there. Having a new skill and actually being </span>
  <em>
    <span>good </span>
  </em>
  <span>at it. He had never been good at anything before. He didn't want to give Orochimaru credit but he was getting his school work done quickly so he had time to go home and shoot his arrows, he was definitely improving. He doubted he'd ever hunt anything and didn't even really want to kill any animal but the satisfaction that came when he got close to or hit his mark? It felt good. It had been two weeks of this. Of him going after school from the bus into the backyard and finding a private area to practice. He didn't want to draw attention. He didn't want anyone else trying to learn and bother him. So he had found a little ways into the woods behind the creepy old house, a nice spot for his shooting board and a spot in the tree to hide his supplies. It was nice to have a secret, a place to go alone again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sasuke set his target up, and stepped back a good distance. He studied the target for a moment before lifting his bow. Slowly he moved back, feet firmly planted into the dirt as he steadied his aim, arm pulling back the string he took a breath, went still then released his grip. A second later it struck its' target. </span>
  <span>He wasn't bad, a couple of hits in the shoulder, one in the neck. It was exciting to have something new to try. Something he could get better at. Orochimaru had been right in giving him the arrow set. Sasuke had found an outlet, and it felt right. He was out there a little longer than he had been usually. It was making him feel more confident, more sure of himself. He wasn't avoiding eye contact with people as much, feeling a little less useless day by day. He had gotten more conversational with his 'siblings' but not much. Suigetsu liked to wait for him, seemed at least vaguely interested in spending time together but Sasuke was hesitant. It didn't make any real sense to get connected to anyone here. Sure, he'd be here a little more than the next two years but after that what? He'd probably never see them again. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>It was warm outside, so when he came back indoors after a couple of hours he had sweat on his brow. His shirt was damp in a few places from him expending energy. Suigetsu sat on the kitchen counter, tossing his bag of weed from hand to hand, unconcerned with it being seen. Karin was at the kitchen table with Juugo helping him with his college  applications. They watched as Sasuke walked in and  downed down some water. "Oi," Suigetsu greeted. "Done shooting shit?" He asked, hopping off the counter. Karin was whispering something to Juugo who nodded vaguely.They had observed Sasuke slowly relax around them in the last few weeks and it was better than walking on eggshells around him all day. </span>
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</p><p>
  <span>Sasuke didn't seem too phased with his audience. He knew they were all oddly close. Even if no one had been here too terribly long. They had bonded over something, Sasuke didn't really want to bond with anything. Another glass of water and he looked at Suigetsu. It seemed nothing about what he was doing was going unnoticed, at least no one had bothered him yet.  </span>
  <span>"Yeah, for today I guess I am." It was useless once it started getting dark, anyway. He never acted like he knew anything about what the others 'vices' were. Orochimaru had told him but it wasn't really in his interest to go stirring any kind of pot. He didn't wish to draw any attention he didn't need to. </span>
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</p><p>
  <span>He was relieved when Karin and Juugo took attention off of him. back to what they were working on. That was good, he didn't love people looking at him anyway. Even though he didn't particularly care enough to mention it, he preferred less attention. He looked at Suigetsu still, having zoned out, and he just turned to fill up more water.  </span>
  <span>"I know you're going for the whole lone wolf thing, which is cool whatever, but if you ever get bored or something comes running with me. We can always go to the fields outside of town for you to shoot longer distances " Suigetsu tossed the bag to Karin who caught it without looking up."Juugo graduates this year and we finally convinced him to go for college instead of militarily shit. Karin's in your year as you know and I'm-"</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"Repeating Sophomore year because you spent too much time smoking pot and fucking that slut." Karin spoke up and Suigetsu scowled at her.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"You fucked her too." Suigetsu pointed out and Karin blinked, eyes sparkling behind her glasses.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah, true." She hummed with a little shrug, not seeming to be embarrassed with Suigetsu's announcement, glancing over to Sasuke from under her lashes.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span> Sasuke nodded his head, "...Right." He was quiet, this was certainly too much for him. He washed his glass himself instead of putting it in the dishwasher. He didn't mind the idea of going onto the outskirts of town, but he didn't really want to go with Suigetsu. Not that he'd done anything wrong but he was so...chatty and everything he was saying he already knew.  </span>
  <span>He figured this came with being part of the family. He should have been more uncomfortable with the conversation about sex but he didn't care. At his previous home he had never bonded with the other kids, even when they tried. He just didn't care. He had had Itachi then though, at least he had him to care about. this all felt...pointless. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He left the room without saying much else. He could hear Karin mumbling something to Juugo, whether it was about him or not he supposed he didn't care. He needed to shower, maybe he'd try to read. He went back up to his bedroom, grabbing pajamas and heading towards the bathroom. The house was pretty big but it was old. Every other step seemed to have the house creaking. He shared a bathroom with Suigetsu but he didn't see him very often there at the same time. Just in the mornings to brush their teeth. That was fine. It was all fine in moderation. He could handle anything in moderation.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Suigetsu shrugged and turned back to the other kids. “Ok, I tried.” He plopped down in the chair and Karin fixed her glasses. There was a finger smudge on the left lens but she didn't seem to notice it.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry about it. If he wants to hang out he will.” She didn’t bother looking at Suigetsu as she spoke and Juugo nodded in agreement.</span>
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  <span>“He’ll come around.” He stated casually before returning to the papers. Suigetsu snorted, head tipping back. Kabuto had been adamant that they try to include Sasuke as best they could, but the kid wasn't making it easy.</span>
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  <span>“He wants to be a piss baby, whatever.” He replied with a little shrug, swiping the bag back. “Smoke later?” He offered.</span>
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  <span>“Sure.” Karin agreed. She set the paperwork down. “I’m going to shower and take a nap.” She announced as she stood from the table, pushing the chair back in.</span>
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  <span>“Okay, grandma.” Suigetsu jeered after her and she flipped him off as she walked out of the kitchen, Juugo smiling after her.</span>
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  <span>Sasuke thought a lot more about sex than he wanted to. It was always with Itachi. The archery helped him but it didn't feel the void of his brother around him, his brother's laugh, the noises he made when Sasuke fucked him, the look on his face when he was about to black out, his smile. There was so much it couldn't do. He thought about him still more than he wanted to. He knew he could very well sleep with any of the kids in the house. It wasn't vanity, it was a fact. They had all made that obvious just by their conversations. The way Karin looked at him and Suigetsu spoke to him. He just didn't...care. He hadn't cared about anything for a long time.</span>
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</p><p><span>He jerked off in the shower and moaned Itachi's name, soft enough it dissipated into steam. He washed himself up, getting rid of all the sweat that had been on him from shooting his bow. He got out of the shower and toweled himself off, avoiding his reflection f in the mirror. He still could barely stand the sight of himself. </span>He toweled his hair half heartedly, knowing it would only tangle as it dried. It was sad in a way. He didn't even like looking at himself anymore. A waste, not good enough. Not good enough for father to strangle, not good enough for Itachi to stay. He was feeling better in a lot of ways but still generally useless. He missed Itachi. He missed having a purpose. The bow was good for him, but it didn't replace his brother. He tried not to think too heavily on it. It made things too hard. Itachi's cold rejection of him, father's apathy and everyone's pity. He didn't need their pity.</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He surfaced from a sea of steam, clutching his dirty clothes in one hand. He hadn't bothered grabbing anything but pajama bottoms,</span>
  <span> slung low because they were definitely too big and shirtless, dripping wet as he strode out of the bathroom. It wasn't like he was much to look at anyway. He'd gained some muscle in his arms from pulling the bow, maybe, but everything else was just slender, boyish and immature. Nothing that anyone should or would really want. He was a stupid little boy with stupid aspirations that meant nothing. His skin was flawless now, perfect because any mark he'd had before he left Itachi had healed. any proof of their affection was gone as if it had never been there. Maybe it hadn't. Maybe Sasuke had been fooling himself all along. He wondered if Itachi still thought about him. He wondered if he even cared.</span>
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